Testing The Waters

How does this sort of stuff apeal to YOU?

  • (10 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Last »

139 Replies - 5135 Views - Last Post: 07 December 2009 - 08:24 AM

#1 midnight17  Icon User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 40
  • Joined: 29-October 09

Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 04:14 AM

Well, to start off, I'm more of an ENGLISH writer, not programmer(only learning JAVA now because my Digital Media course absolutely requires it.)

I'd be interested in publishing my own collection short stories, but since I mostly hang out with like-minded fanboys & other assorted freaks(I fear no wrath from them all for calling ourselves FREAKS. We're PROUD to be called thus!) like myself, I'm just wondering how well my short stories would be received by the rest of society.

How's this short story for a start? Do leave me some comments. Even if it's just a short note to say that you like/hate it. No, wait, don't just say you like/hate it. Tell me WHY you like/hate it.

Please?

MidNight's Twisted Tales:Snow White

Once upon a time, a Queen was sewing by the ebony-framed window when she accidentally pricked her finger & 3 drops of blood fell upon the snow. It occurred to her then that the entire scene was rather poetic, so the Queen made a secret wish that she would have a child as white as snow, as red as blood & as black as the wood of the window frame.

That night, a tall, pale stranger came to the Queen's bedchamber, promising her the child her heart desired if she would but copulate with him.

“Yes, it is adultery & I really shouldn't be cheating on my beloved husband.” But her mad desire for a child quickly silenced this little voice. (Who can explain women & their insane desire to be tied down with a child?!)

So, they quickly shed their clothes & shared a night of wild frenzied love-making.

Soon after, the Queen had a child who was as WHITE as snow, (had a morbid taste for RED blood), & though no one could tell yet, her heart was BLACK as ebony.

The official news was that the queen had died in childbirth, but those present in the birthing room on that fateful day knew better.

Little Snow White was born with a full set of sharp, shiny, white teeth & when the Queen brought her to her breast to nurse the babe, Snow White had bitten down savagely & drawn blood.

Snow White sucked & sucked, until finally, the Queen's corpse had not a single drop of blood left in her.

The King was so devastated at the death of his beloved wife that he completely ignored the suspicious circumstances under which his Queen had just been murdered, & that the pale & thin raven-haired Snow White bore absolutely no resemblance to himself, who was robust & muscular, with a headful of thick, golden-brown curls.

Thus, the King loved Snow White as his own daughter, (but mainly because he believed Snow White to be his beloved Queen's “last gift tome.”)

-Author's Note: I'm sorry, but there's just no getting around how a King can NOT notice that's NOT his daughter. Still, grief & broken-hearted-ness makes for a pretty “valid” excuse for the oversight?-

9 years passed, & the King finally got over his broken heart. He took himself another wife. She was a hot babe, & yes, she did own a wonderful mirror, but this queen was also wise in witch-lore, so the fabled Magic Mirror wasn't used so much for assurance that she was the most beautiful woman throughout the lands as it was for scrying.

Thus, it came to the King's (& in turn, this Queen's) attention that people & animals were being slaughtered throughout their kingdom & the bodies were always discovered completely bloodless, with 2 definitive fang marks at the victims' jugular.

None of the Kingdom's top detectives & investigators could track down the mysterious killer, so the Queen turned to her Magic Mirror for answers.

The Magic Mirror showed her none other than the King's “precious” waylaying innocent travelers.

The Queen could only watch in mute horror as the Mirror showed her her 10 year-old stepdaughter luring an innocent traveler off the beaten track, & once safely hidden in the shadows of the trees, sink her dainty white fangs into the poor man, drawing blood until he was dead.

Still, at least that explained why Snow White never took her meals with the King & Queen.

The King was totally blind to the murdering ways of Princess Snow White & it was obvious to the Queen that he would NEVER hear a word against the tiny terror so the Queen resolved to rid their realm of the abomination herself.

The Queen hired the realm's best assassin, Hunter, to take out the Princess, & Hunter came for her in the middle of the hot afternoon, when she was at her weakest.

The next day, Hunter delivered Snow White's still-beating & black-as-a-raven's-feathers-heart to the Queen. (No, Hunter didn't trick the Queen. Besides, no beast's black heart could have kept beating the way Snow White's did.) Contrary to popular belief, the Queen did NOT boil the heart & eat it. Instead, the Queen locked it away in a solid steel strong case & reinforced the bindings securely with garlic & holy water, where it pulsed with a dull, steady throb.

Now, what of Snow White? Sure, the loss of her heart had cost her greatly, but the devil-spawn was far from defeated. She had lain in the forest, where Hunter abandoned her to die, patiently, until a young bear happened to ramble by. With lightning reflexes, Snow White tackled the bear to the ground & using her sharp, claw-like fingers, she tore the poor beast's chest open & placed its heart in the hallow in her chest where her own had once been.

With a heart back inside her chest, Snow White regained a tiny potion of her old strength. Knowing fully well that she was in no condition to take on her stepmother just yet, Snow White labouriously made her way deep into the forest until she chanced upon a pretty little cottage.

The borrowed bear's heart was wearing Snow White out, so, the Princess stumbled wearily inside & collapsed into a dead faint across 3 of the little beds.

That evening, the owners of the little cottage, a band of 7 dwarves, came home. Sensing that something was amiss, they slipped into their own home cautiously.

Snow White awoke to find 7 sharp little knives aimed directly at her. Still weak, she decided against fighting all of them at once, so Snow White spun an epic sad tale about a wicked stepmother who was out for her blood.

4 of the dwarves fell for her tall tale immediately & were all for sheltering Snow White in their home unconditionally. But the other 3 felt that harbouring a fugitive wanted by the Queen herself was too dangerous.

Eventually, after much arguing, it was decided that Snow White could stay with them as their slave girl, taking care of the house, cooking, making the beds, doing the washing, sewing, knitting... etc.

Though she considered all such work beneath her, Snow White agreed, for this isolated cabin struck her as a fairly convenient location from which to slowly regain her strength for the final showdown with her “evil” stepmother.

Days passed in this fashion, the dwarves would leave for the dark mines to dig for precious ores & other assorted jewels early each morning, leaving Snow White all alone in the little house, through out the day.

When the dwarves had gone, Snow White would venture out into the shaded woods, seeking out various woodland animals to quench her bloodlust.

Naturally, Snow White's activities did not go unnoticed by the Queen, who watched all this from her Magic Mirror. (Besides, the heart's incessant pounding was seriously getting on her nerves.) So, the Queen poisoned a basketful of irresistible, delicious blood-red apples, cast a glamour over her self to appear as a harmless old pedlar-woman & paid th dwarves' cottage a visit.

“Apples for sale! Apples for sale!”The Queen-in-disguise called, as she wandered “innocently” amongst the woods near The Cottage. “Hi there, pretty lady,”the “pedlar-woman” called, seeing Snow White sweeping the front porch. “How about a pretty apple?”

& Snow White couldn't resist, for the Queen had also infused these apples with fresh blood from that morning's execution, & the copper scent of blood rose temptingly from the covered basket.

No sooner had Snow White bitten into this wonderful-looking apple that the poison immediately took affect, sealing up Snow White's throat, & the Princess fell into a dead faint on the doorstep.

Satisfied that this vampiric menace was taken care of, the Queen returned home to her blessedly-quiet (the heart had finally stilled!) castle.

That evening, the dwarves came home to find Snow White “dead” on the doorstep.

No matter what they did, none of their efforts could rouse her. Finally, they accepted that their slave-girl for the past few months was beyond their help. Yet, Snow White remained as white as snow, as red as blood & as black as ebony, the way they had first seen her, asleep across their beds, so they could not bear to bury her in the earth. Instead, from their collected precious jewels, they built a clear coffin around her body in front of their house where Snow White lay in her undead slumber for a long, long time.

One day, it happened that a Prince (with some extremely perverted sexual tastes) from a nearby Kingdom happened to ride by, & when he saw Snow White lying so fair in that expensive coffin, he saw her as the perfect means to relieve that knot of frustration burning in his loins.

Lifting the lid off the crystal coffin, he trust into Snow White & began fucking the corpse vigorously.

Somehow, in the midst of all that fucking, the piece of poisonous apple was shaken free from her throat, & Snow White roused from her enchanted slumber.

Snow White was parched, so the Princess very naturally sank her dainty fangs into the Prince's throat & drank.

Still, it occurred to her that a Prince was of greater use to her alive that dead, so Snow White stopped just short of sucking him bone-dry.

At Snow White's suggestion, the (mindless-zombie) Prince brought her back to his domain where Snow White similarly infected the whole army & leading this group of enhanced soldiers, Snow White (& the Prince) set out to reclaim her realm (BUT more importantly, her undead heart.)

Naturally, the Queen was aware of this worrisome development, & unfortunately, for all her witch's powers, she could not defeat a whole army of vampiric zombies.

So, the Queen was defeated by an army of vampiric zombies, Snow White was reunited with her dear father, the King (BUT more importantly, her wicked, black, undead heart.)

& Princess Snow White lived happily ever after forever, (quite literally in her case!)

The End

Yes, sadly, tradition dictates that this Princess(the villain) triumphs over Witch Queen Bitch(my perceived heroine). Fuck tradition, I say!

Is This A Good Question/Topic? 0
  • +

Replies To: Testing The Waters

#2 KYA  Icon User is offline

  • g++ jameson.cpp -o beverage
  • member icon

Reputation: 3089
  • View blog
  • Posts: 19,137
  • Joined: 14-September 07

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 07:22 AM

lol

It reminded me of the Politically Incorrect Fairy Tales book. :^:
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#3 raziel_  Icon User is offline

  • Like a lollipop
  • member icon

Reputation: 463
  • View blog
  • Posts: 4,255
  • Joined: 25-March 09

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 08:27 AM

:)

heh it was funny :)
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#4 Shinilolz  Icon User is offline

  • D.I.C Head
  • member icon

Reputation: 8
  • View blog
  • Posts: 238
  • Joined: 30-November 06

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 11:58 AM

Different, but i liked it.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#5 modi123_1  Icon User is online

  • Suitor #2
  • member icon



Reputation: 8371
  • View blog
  • Posts: 31,103
  • Joined: 12-June 08

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 12:26 PM

The story was imaginative for sure, but the writing was rough.

You might want to warn folks this is a fairly graphic tale up front.

The biggest issue I have is something my English teachers always harped on - show don't tell.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#6 WolfCoder  Icon User is offline

  • Isn't a volcano just an angry hill?
  • member icon


Reputation: 781
  • View blog
  • Posts: 7,604
  • Joined: 05-May 05

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 01:05 PM

livejournal.com
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#7 supersloth  Icon User is offline

  • serial frotteur - RUDEST MEMBER ON D.I.C.
  • member icon


Reputation: 4426
  • View blog
  • Posts: 28,356
  • Joined: 21-March 01

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 01:13 PM

YES
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#8 NeoTifa  Icon User is offline

  • Whorediot
  • member icon





Reputation: 2495
  • View blog
  • Posts: 15,453
  • Joined: 24-September 08

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 06:10 PM

Quote

he saw her as the perfect means to relieve that knot of frustration burning in his loins.



My favorite part lol.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#9 TriggaMike  Icon User is offline

  • Using up all your 1's and 0's
  • member icon

Reputation: 85
  • View blog
  • Posts: 1,101
  • Joined: 26-September 08

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 29 November 2009 - 08:31 PM

tldr
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#10 Bort  Icon User is offline

  • Ill-informed Mongoloid
  • member icon

Reputation: 357
  • View blog
  • Posts: 2,768
  • Joined: 18-September 06

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 30 November 2009 - 03:59 AM

Lol, nice :)
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#11 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

  • holy shitin shishkebobs
  • member icon




Reputation: 5753
  • View blog
  • Posts: 10,077
  • Joined: 28-September 07

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 30 November 2009 - 04:03 PM

View PostTriggaMike, on 29 Nov, 2009 - 09:31 PM, said:

tldr


This.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#12 TheMaccabee  Icon User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 19
  • Joined: 29-November 09

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 30 November 2009 - 04:26 PM

Interesting the say the least, defiantly thinking outside the'box'.

I do however agree with modi123_1, the writing was rather rough. Nothing a few revisions couldn't fix.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#13 Locke  Icon User is offline

  • Sarcasm Extraordinaire!
  • member icon

Reputation: 520
  • View blog
  • Posts: 5,596
  • Joined: 20-March 08

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 30 November 2009 - 04:36 PM

View PostBenignDesign, on 30 Nov, 2009 - 05:03 PM, said:

View PostTriggaMike, on 29 Nov, 2009 - 09:31 PM, said:

tldr


This.


return this;

This post has been edited by Locke: 30 November 2009 - 04:36 PM

Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#14 WolfCoder  Icon User is offline

  • Isn't a volcano just an angry hill?
  • member icon


Reputation: 781
  • View blog
  • Posts: 7,604
  • Joined: 05-May 05

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 30 November 2009 - 07:13 PM

return NULL;
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#15 kowwok  Icon User is offline

  • D.I.C Addict
  • member icon

Reputation: 21
  • View blog
  • Posts: 583
  • Joined: 20-November 09

Re: Testing The Waters

Posted 01 December 2009 - 07:48 AM

@TheMaccabee...fail ---->>>Interesting the say the least, defiantly thinking outside the'box'.

Try this next time you say someone's writing was rough ;) - "Interesting [remove 'the', insert 'to'] say the least."

Also, definitely, not defiantly.

Anyway good story! Pretty dark at some parts, I have a hard time reading things like that unless it's a very short story. It doesn't hook me as well as it otherwise would.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

  • (10 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Last »