[Winstinology]

I apolagize ahead of time for the extremely lengthy book thread about to follow.

Hello again ye faithful DIC-Heads. Just when you had happily forgot about me probably, blam! - I'm back like sexy did! First, I fully understand if this thread just completely bombs, receives slanderous posts or even just gets shut-down swiftly due to some obscure yet mildly entertaining argument between myself and someone, someone and someone, or 'supersloth' and everyone. It's okay, I've accepted it. I guess we'll just see what it does as far as 'livening-up' of the "Ol' Lounge de Caffeine".

See though, what sparked this idea for this thread was a very surprising, unexpected that I happily found in my Gmail Inbox one morning, not to long ago. This wasn't just any ordinary, redundant email message from one of my 17 Nigerian sugar-mamas. Nor was it a disappointment-ridden, failed-website venture reminder in the form of a overdue service bill that I regularly receive from the merry merry people over at the 'GoDaddy Factory'. No, this was a specially marked (not really) email message directly from me, discreetly sent from the mind and browser of non other than our 'Father of Bits', our 'Prophet of Code', and our 'Savior from Boredom' - Chris Kenworthy, or 'Skyhawk133' as some may know him as. In the letter, he simply expressed true concern from one of his usual DIC-Frequenters. Something that I used to consider myself. In the message body, with a very true and honest caring demeanor, inquired to my email that I have registered with DIC what I had been up to, and where I had been, and how I was doing.

It honestly had raised my spirits a great deal that day, I remember that part most of all when I think about it. I know that this is probably going to sound pretty crazy to you Chris, as for the rest of the readers as well - But you honestly, without even knowing it at the time had a serious impact on the effect of where I went and what I did that day. Which in turn, ultimately, I now believe had played a major factor in the sequence of events that transpired in my life that day. In turn, I really think you are the number one reason that I am sitting here writing this thread today. Thank you Chris.

Now, if any of the preceding text grabbed you in a way that I attempted it to do, your probably wondering what that email could have done, and what it could have affected for me that day. Back to the purpose of this thread, even though what really happened is honestly kind of a big deal (to me anyway); I thought in essence of returning to DIC after all this wasted missed time since I stopped coming around (almost a whole year now I believe), I thought I would add a bit of unnecessary humor and a byte of possible inconsideration to the topic.

Here it is - I plan on completely and publicly detailing where I've been, what I've been doing and how things have been for myself all this time while in my absence, right here in the Lounge for all (who care) to see. As well as explaining what the hell happened on that day Chris emailed me and supposedly had a 'profound' impact that affected my life.

But First, the Contest Details!!

From now until next Monday, (May 10th, 2010) - I'm very impatiently curious to see what kind of tales and quirky squawks can be conjured, conceived and created in the form of text replies to this thread can be courageously concocted from the code-ridden catacombs of all of your' conciousness; each with it's own path set fourth trying to captivate myself, and any who read it's crazy or crappy hypothesis on my questionable whereabouts and how Chris Kenworthy could have remotely possibly had an effect in my personal life, let alone saved it!

Come Monday, by that time I will privately and single-handedley choose and announe here in the lunge, whom I think came closest to the truth of what happened. The winner will receive an official, signed agreement between myself and them volunteering myself and my awesome development skills to them for a total of 12 Hours (mods, please let me know right away if I am cool to do this in the Lounge.. I'll edit/remove if necessary). With those 12 hours, I will serve the winner in the form of Web-Work, Website Help, Tutoring (within my areas of expertise), or any type of remote-location web related work. I'll even be willing to educate myself for something if necessary. Also, in a not as cool addition to the prize, the winner will also receive (from myself) a brand new USB Laser Mouse!

I know, it's not much I guess - but I do know some things about stuff you know (resume/skill description available upon demand). And hey, it adds a nice little twist to me just simply posting a sad & sobby thread about how Chris changed my life and where I've been this past year as if anyone really cares to know.. At least I think it does. Kind of.. Does it?! Oh yeah, and I will periodically and randomly post 'Hints', as the thread replies progress, or as necessary if they seem to be in need.

Blah!! Who cares?! On with it now you code-smackin' Net'-Ballas'.

And once again, I must not forget, to truly and sincerely say from the heart - thank you Chris.

(Below is a picture of me at the time of posting this thread. In case you forgot my cute face or something.)

This post has been edited by Winstinology: 05 May 2010 - 04:31 AM

[gabehabe]

I'd hit that.

[NeoTifa]

tl;dr

Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Winstonology?!

[Gloin]

Quote

Where in the World-Wide-Web has 'The people with enough courtesy not to post crappy threads about their own return that noone cares about' Been?

There, fixed the title for you.

[KYA]

Alight here's what went down:


You joined the Navy, wishing "to sail the seven seas", a fact left abundantly clear from your intrepid fascination with the Village People. After a few months below deck with lots of Seaman you realized you had made a horrible choice. At that exact moment, Somali pirates, led by Captain Crunch, boarded your destroyer and took the crew hostage. The brigands then proceeded to deny anyone any type of citrus fruit, allowing you all to succumb to scurvy. Shortly after the sickening of the crew, you all walked the plank.

Washing up on a remote island, it immediately occurred to you that this was the on site film location for the critically acclaimed show Lost. You approached the director, but he would not allow you to use any communication device until you signed over the rights to a film adaptation of your life story. For some odd reason you decided to check your email (and facebook!?) before calling your mother. You saw Chris' email and you knew all was going to be ok.



As for the film about you? Avatar 2 coming Summer 2011.

[AdamSpeight2008]

gabehabe, on 05 May 2010 - 11:51 AM, said:

I'd hit on that.

I fixed it for you.

[BenignDesign]

tl;dr

(though I did read KYA's summary... I had no idea you had a Village People fetish).

OT: Who fucking cares where you were? You weren't here. That makes you a loser. kthxbai.

[supersloth]

NeoTifa, on 05 May 2010 - 05:14 AM, said:

tl;dr

[Nykc]

supersloth, on 05 May 2010 - 08:49 AM, said:

NeoTifa, on 05 May 2010 - 05:14 AM, said:

tl;dr

and.....


This thread fucking sucks!

[KYA]

Welcome back.

[Raynes]

Am I the only one who read the entire thread?

[skyhawk133]

Awesome man! Those "ah ha" moments are the best. I've had a couple and look forward to many more in the future. Congrats. Looking forward to hearing the tale of your journey.

[modi123_1]

Here's what I believe took place. I do not apologize for the length. It's an epic tale. Russel Crowe will place Winstinology in the movie adaption.

It started around May 27th, 2009. The exact start is of little consequence, but the understanding *the event* started then. Winstinology rolled over the cold empty spot on is his bed to slap the snooze on the alarm clock. Five minutes roll by and the blasted alarm shrieks again. His pickled brain begins to fire synapse in earnest and it dawns on him he is sleeping in the wrong spot. A few hamster wheel turns later his he startles out of bed.

What the deuce? He has never been the last one out of bed and has *always* been the one to cajole Lillith from the comfort of the down quilt she nests

in, but not today. Throwing on a green robe Winstinology stumbles out into the silent living room.

Oh shit - we've been rob! Wait, no... this has a more sinister air. That tramp moved out while he slept!

It takes a full twelve pack for Winstinology's brain to fully process his girlfriend of two years up left him. No warning, no information, just he wakes

up one morning and her crap is gone. All that is left behind is a well worn trashy romance novel and a used toothbrush.

Weeks tick by and his sanity is unraveling. He was able to contact his ex, but those phone calls always being with yelling, crescendo into screaming, and end with a crash of another cellphone against the wall. It was getting to be an expensive habbit, and Walmart was becoming suspicious of how many disposable cellphones he was going through. They don't understand the cost of a broken heart, but Walmart blithely takes his cash and marks his profile.

Between the bottles of Jack and broken LCD screens rent became a chore to pay. It would slip now and then, but eventually found a rut of always being a few months late.

Home life was in shambles (his gold fish refused to look at him in the eye anymore), and turned to a healthy coke habit to keep awake - looking for that silver thread of commonality that would neatly take care of all his earthly problems. He enlisted the help of a noted psychiatrist, Dr. Scratchin'snuffen, and proceeded to bear his hull breached soul. It worked for a few months, the pain receded to a dull throb, and he was beginning to use his coke filled evenings working a second job... things calmed down... but then the very forces of nature turned against him.

Ten years up in Anchorage is a long time for anyone; be it by choice or by the Feds. Holding the long desolate lines against the dirty pinko commie Russians (he can see from his front porch) is a soul crushing experience. On the bright side it was always temperate weather... weather that made men's beards grow lush and women's bosoms blossom. Manly man weather. Weather of God's frontier. Alas something was a miss that fateful summer of 2009. It felt the good Lord punished the area with a blistering 90 degree weather. It was sweltering, heat mirages ruled the road, and a sense of lackadaisical behavior infected the area. The seas began to boil and pine trees wilted and drooped.

A pox was thrown down around Winstinology and with a spiteful heart he left town taking the baleful wrath of God with him. He traveled up the coast and joined deep sea crabbers. It was tough work but the curse rose up with a giant swell and his ship was sank. fifteen good men went out that day to throw some pots, only one made it back in. Sodden, half drowned, and in the throws of coke dt-shakes Winstinology grabbed his samurai sword and harley setting off into the Canadian wilderness.

The rest of the year was spent drifting town to town in a never ending Enya montage of bars, boobs, and brawls. Finally in a dusty dead end town of Heath Junction Winstinology was met with a gathering of loyal and close folk that some would term his friends. A talk of intervention ensued and lead to the natural conclusion of Winstinology with a broken beer bottle in his hand squaring off against the crowd. He began to charge then a prick was felt upon his buttocks! The intervention crew came prepared and tranqu'ed Winstinology like a drunken polar bear escaping on a unicycle.

Weeks went by and treatment moved from confrontation to healing. On his graduation day Winstinology stepped outside to the sweet smell of freedom, and smiled for the first time in a year. The curse from God was gone through a painful blood cleansing ceremony performed by a Blackfoot shaman. He made his way back along his trail, making ammend to those he wronged, illegitimate children he sired, and served his penance all the way back up to Anchorage.

Free, clean, and with a clean conscience Winstinology dusted off his old laptop, fired up the generators for the servers, and logged back into the sweet sweet ion taste of the internet. After a healthy dose of chatroulette he came across a familiar angled dangle. Skyhawk133 recognized the worn and sunken face in the grainy webcam... promptly zipped up and they talked for hours. An email came days later and Winstinology scrounged up his old password, sighed, and stepped back into the DIC world with a first post at his fingertips and a thumb drive to be won.

Spoiler

My research
http://www.dreaminco...79&#entry654979

http://www.dreaminco...69&#entry694269

http://www.dreaminco...43&#entry696143

http://www.dreaminco...40&#entry696140

This post has been edited by modi123_1: 05 May 2010 - 09:14 AM

[KYA]

cheater

[BenignDesign]

Now that I am on my lunch break, I took the time to read the full OP and here is what I think transpired:

You and a friend went on a trip to Paris. Shortly after arriving, you were abducted by the Albanian Mafia who forced you to develop a heroin addiction before putting you on the auction block to be sold as a sex slave to the highest bidder.

Your father, a former CIA special ops dude, came to Paris to find you. He found your friend dead of a drug overdose. This made your dad pissed. He kicked much ass and rescued your now scrawny, drug-addicted, soon-to-be-unvirginized butt.

Upon your arrival back in the States, you checked your email only to find a message from skyhawk133 offering to give you voice lessons. You squealed and jumped and hugged your dad, then ran to skyhawk133 to start said lessons.

When you were finished and on your way home, you met a man who gave you $1.5 million for the movie rights to your tale of woe. After accepting the offer and effectively becoming an instant millionaire, skyhawk133 saw fit to leave his lovely wife and shack up with you - his new little 'Love Noodle'.

And you have returned to DIC to announce your soon-to-be civil union and declare your undying love to the one and only skyhawk133.