Awkward office / school / public banter

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139 Replies - 10035 Views - Last Post: 09 December 2010 - 03:01 PM

#1 JustinDe  Icon User is offline

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Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 03:50 AM

Have you ever been at school / work / a public outing and tried to resemble something close to a social adept individual but as soon as you hit a single topic that is outside of your comfort range you feel yourself drifting way out of the conversation taking place in front of you.

For me this topic is all things sport. I've just never really had an interest outside of saying "Oh yay! ...the Browns won". So as soon as someone begins to move into a conversation about sports I either drift off into my own world or I stumble awkwardly though a conversation which usually ends in me apologizing for not really knowing what they are talking about.

What are some of your stories, weak topics, or suggestions for those of us so socially lacking?

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#2 biggerB  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 04:32 AM

HAHAHA... Me too... same thing.. with sports...
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#3 gabehabe  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 04:35 AM

I drifted off after "browns win"
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#4 baavgai  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 04:36 AM

I feel the same way about sports. You can usually say something like "That's where men in overly tight pants play with balls, right? Sorry, never got into it. I prefer Ultimate Fighting..."

However, it you want to play along, you really don't have to know anything about the diversion in question. Any sports fan will fill in the blanks and blather on without you. You can keep them running with things like "how are they doing this year" "think they'll make it to the finals" "yeah, yeah, that was great..."

For complete honesty, you can just say, "yeah, I'm not really into X." Most sports types will assume you're into some other sport. Hopefully they won't ask.

If they do ask, and you're into none, just pick one that's far enough outside the norm to kill the conversation. Or, to be completely safe, choose "women's professional volleyball." Then if you're asked questions, you can simply say something like "wait, they have names?" This should elicit a jockish chuckle and free you from further obligation.

This post has been edited by baavgai: 25 October 2010 - 04:37 AM

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#5 Sergio Tapia  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 05:26 AM

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?


-Works every time.
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#6 hookiethe1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 06:05 AM

Fortunately I'm an Australian living in the USA, so I can usually get away with claiming ignorance when it comes to sport (given that the USA only plays it's own sports, but I guess this thread isn't the place to go into America's inability to cope with being beaten at a sport). If that doesn't get me off the hook, I just say that after watching rugby or Australian rules football for so many years, watching American football is about as exciting as watching a game of chess, but with more time-outs.
The other crappy conversation I often get sucked into is people asking me about Australia, it's amazing how little some people know about the place, so depending on my mood I'll make up a bunch of bullshit or set them straight.
Aside from that, I can usually talk about pretty much anything, although if politics or religion comes up I've found it's best to just nod and smile, unless I'm feeling energetic enough to get into it, and I hardly ever am.
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#7 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 06:55 AM

Sports always fucked me over.

Per usual, surrounded by guys, football was always the big talk (strangely this was also my girlfriend and my conversation this morning on the way to the train station). For years I could not understand it, randomly hockey or basketball was sprinkled in... which I could understand the rules of a bit more... but football with it's convoluted bizarre technical rules through me for a loop.

"Oh you can't do that, that's a technicality."

"Why, we did it just last play!?"

"Yeah but this is the 3rd down and in the 3rd down you can't do that."

"huh? Why. What's so special about the 3rd down vs any other? It's not even the final!"

"Cause it's mid blah blah blah, and blah blah blah, don't forget blah blah blah. Next play we can, but we can't do blah blah blah come scrimmage."

"You're just throwing words at me."



For all I know, they were yanking my leg just to blow one over me.


Anyways, through out all this crap I made a point to sit down and learn this shit. So I did, I cracked open books at the library. Later with the dawn of the internet, I had that to assist me as well. Oh did I learn a shit ton about football in general.

(For instance to cover the football-football debate I learned a rather simple piece of history that no one ever bothers to remember. The names are gridiron football (American Football) and Association Football (soccer). Soccer, though used primarily in the US, actually was coined in England at Oxford. And the original game of association soccer, though the rules defined in Britain, has roots in the US as well as many other nations.)




Yeah, that information is NO GOOD to bring up around any footballers. Neither side will allow you to get past the word gridiron with out broiling in a beer induced screaming match about them limeys. And vice versa a beer induced screaming match about them fat Americans. It turns out even after learning about the sport (both rules and history), you end up in just the same damn position. Maybe worse, because now you know more about the sport then they ever will.

I realized, they're all talking shit. There's no rational direction to the conversation. Just throw random football words around, tote that you would have done it another FAR SUPERIOR method then some professional who still won the game anyways, make fun of any teams that aren't yours, certainly make fun of any sport that's not yours (don't ever bring up hockey in these crowds... football may hate on football... but they both LOVE to hate on hockey). Don't forget to memorize the names of a bunch of oversized bloaks who have 9th grade educations.


And rule numero uno, don't ever make light of the fact that you and everyone else is talking shit. Because then you're a smart-ass shit for brains who "doesn't get it" and needs an ass kicking.







Sadly that's not the conversation that leaves me dumbfounded or socially alienates me. But it's certainly on the list. I probably couldn't select a highest. So instead a highlights list:


##Big trucks and fast cars -

I'm a fag because I don't like either? Sorry America but big trucks are statistically less safe then small cars. Fast cars are just overpriced ego extensions. I don't care if your car can go 160 mph, my car just like yours can go the legal 70 mph, yet with better fuel efficiency. Furthermore don't tell me your truck will crush mine. Because if I pit MY TRUCK against any vehicle you throw my direction... my 18 wheels and 80,000 lbs of moving death machine will annihilate you. Yet I don't drive that as my day to day vehicle because that would be STUPID.


##Super Models -
Did you fuck her? Are you ever going to? Shit are you even going to be within a 100 yards of her ever? I'm going to go sleep with a real woman while you dream about that, k now.


##FPS games -
Just because I told you I like videogames, have a collection 3000 games and 20 consoles deep, and aspire to make them professionaly. None of this means I like Halo or Call of Duty, or some other bullshit gun game. Note I own 20 consoles, this means I collect back into the 80's... long before your PS3. I hate gun games, and please stop trying to tell me that you'll "kick my ass" at the game. Well nah shit, I don't play them. That's like saying you'd beat a dog at speaking Japanese.


##Guns -
Speaking of FPS, guns. Oh yes, that gun makes you SO cool. Carrying it around everywhere you go makes you a MAN. Piss off you disrespectful shit for brains. I'm not anti-gun, but I certainly won't worship them, sit around talk about them, buy magazines on them, and worst of all pull them out in front of a crowd gloating and toting.

Sorry but in my family. You were taught to shoot at a young age. But if you even pointed your fingers at some one and said bang you got an ass whooping.
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#8 hookiethe1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:03 AM

Haha that reminds me of a good one, around here everyone with at least one testicle becomes "hunter" for one week of the year. It's all hunting this and hunting that. But nobody hunts, they go to someone's cabin and get drunk and play poker, then go and sit in a tree stand or deer blind and shoot if a deer happens to walk by. To me, that's not hunting.
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#9 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:04 AM

Wow...nice rant Lordofduct, lol.

Umm... what was the OP about again? Oh yeah, conversations that lose you. I'm going to have to go with what just about everyone else has said already, sports. Oh, and soap operas. i really don't care what happens on Coronation Street, or Eastenders, so why do people insist on talking to me about them?
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#10 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:18 AM

I have others, but they probably wouldn't go over well here on a tech forum.

##Comic Books -
Just don't get em', don't care for em', they always looked like homo-erotica to me. Enjoy em' all you want, but Christ don't bite my head off because I don't know what the hell this one zombie comic that's being turned into a tv show is about. Ugh! And I'll tell you what, I won't bite your head off because you don't know who Vonnegut is. Until then though, READ A REAL BOOK!

##zombies -
what is this crap? Really, we're talking about an improbable and hypothetical future where the fucking undead are eating us? Oh crap, now this has turned into a debate about the probability of the probability. Yet these are the very same group of friends that think Christians are idiots for believing in a smiling man in the sky hanging out with his dad the creator of all this. Hypocrites.

##ninjas, pirates, etc -
Same damn thing. Though these are based on historical figures. But we don't worship those real ones, no it's the romanticized pirate we worship. PLEASE girl, if you ran into a real pirate you'd be raped in a heart beat.

##Star wars -
Blasphemy, he hates Star Wars. You must be a trekky! Oh you don't like that either? HEATHEN! George Lucas is not a fat one hit wonder... THX, he created THX, I mean yeah he's not an engineer and it's really just his name written on the side and that's it. Just like all of his creations are really just his name pasted on the side. Still... IT'S STAR WARS.

Vomit... Star Wars can eat a dick. I mean come on guys, how can you turn 6 hours of movie into 30 years of conversation? Just shut up for once.

##Kitchy one liners from films
I'm a freak because I bother to learn history, literature, science and math? Really... because I'll never use these things in my life? Yet you memorize every one liner from "Family Guy", "Star Wars", and "Terminator"... oh let's not forget one liners from b-films noone has ever heard of. NO I don't remember the line at 45 minutes and 12 seconds in Time Cop. Why the hell would I?

And NO you are not witty or humorous for repeating it randomly through out the day. It didn't even have anything to do with the current conversation.

Commercials and song fall into this category as well. So don't yell at me because I didn't giggle at it.

This post has been edited by lordofduct: 25 October 2010 - 07:30 AM

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#11 Craig328  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:31 AM

Posted Image
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#12 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:33 AM

I was starting to gain respect for lordofduct until he insulted my beloved Star Wars. lordofduct can kiss my ass. Poser.

My eyes glaze over and I start to drool on myself when people start talking about celebrities and reality television. What the fuck is a Snooki and why should I care?

And NASCAR. Hearing my relatives drone on endlessly about how the #45 car can kick the #23 car's ass drives me insane. "Well, bygawd Dale Jewnyur can whip ole Rusty enny day a the week, boy." "Wut? You crazy, Paw. Rusty coon't drive his way outta a gee-raj." (If I'm wrong, don't correct me. I don't give a fuck which cars exist and who drives what. NASCAR sucks ass.)
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#13 Sergio Tapia  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:40 AM

View Postlordofduct, on 25 October 2010 - 09:18 AM, said:

tl;dr


So basically, you're a hipster.
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#14 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:49 AM

Ok, sorry Lordofduct, but this time you went too far. you should not have touched on zombies, pirates, ninja, or Star Wars.

Take back your words or we'll send out lightsaber-wielding zombie ninja pirates out to eat your brains and make you walk the plank :P
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#15 Sergio Tapia  Icon User is offline

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Re: Awkward office / school / public banter

Posted 25 October 2010 - 07:56 AM

Let's make him bantha fodder.
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