[#include]

Hey guys,
I'm not looking for empathy or comfort, but just want some insight on how to cope with uni.
I've been on holidays and its been pretty shit, just staying at home most of the time, scrapped past my 2nd year of uni and don't know if I can cope with this year. I don't have many good friends, or friends for that matter. My best friend who was my gf dumped me cos of religious reasons and now I kinda have no one. The friends from my faculty can barely be called friends, during new years eve they just left me at the bus stop cos there were 6 of us and only 1 car(5 seats), so they went to one of their houses to continue celebrating while I literally spent my new years on the bus as it struck mid-night. Smoking/drinking is my escape but doesn't really help. so yeah how do you cope with uni with barely scrapping by? I seem to have no motivation to do good ( I know I could if I put the effort in)

tl;dr
struggling with 3rd year of uni/ no real friends, no motivation, how to gain motivation?

[mostyfriedman]

I think it wasn't a smart move to post this kind of topic on this site, the majority of members here are, lets just say insensitive. Anyway we've all had problems during the university years whether academic or social. My advice is to get yourself busy all the time, focus on your academics, join a study group, gather some guys up and work on projects together, be involved in activities or events organized at your campus as much as you can. You should also start some off campus activity, like go to a gym or learn thai chi or something. All that will help you out with your academics, your first job, and will also help you be more social and meet new people.

[karabasf]

Life on the university can be quite hard, especially when the peer pressure is quite high or the people there are just *****

Like mostyfriedman said, getting and staying busy is a wonderful suggestion to cope with such thoughts. I too had hard times so now and then. Staying busy and get yourself distracted is a good way to relax yourself. Otherwise, you will get tangled up in your own thoughts, with eventually severe depressions as consequence. No matter how hard life is, find some distraction, find some things (like hobbies or something) which YOU enjoy (do not let yourself influenced by your environment, it is yourself to whom you should listen and not someone around the corner). Off course, you shouldn't overstress yourself and doing a zillion things at the same time (which I tended to do back then). A healthy mind is a healthy body and vice versa.

Also, what really helped me back, was when I went to participate jiu jitsu. Now, not only being a Eastern fighting sport, it really helps you to relax your mind and losing all that energy which has probably being building for a long time. Furthermore, it will give you some self-esteem boost (though, not directly notable, you will notice it eventually) and like mostyfriedman said, it is a great opportunity to get to know some new people.
What I'm trying to say is, going out does not only mean going out with others, like friends, but also going out to enjoy and relax yourself and if possible, to make some new friends

As a last piece of advice: Don't use drugs, alcohol, smoking or whatsoever! Using these will probably worsen your situation, rather than improve it.

And.. If you really can't handle it, you should go to a psychologist (this is not meant as an offense), these people did a great job when I was trying to get my life back on the rail again.

Well, I wish you good luck with your situation

This post has been edited by karabasf: 22 January 2011 - 01:33 PM

[hookiethe1]

bucknut71, on 22 January 2011 - 09:43 AM, said:

I left school once, and it's taken me 20 years to get back. Now I'm a couple of classes from my degree. A couple of hard labor, low paying jobs will make you see you should have stuck through the hard times.

My situation is very similar, except with not quite so large a gap, I started university in 2000 and will graduate this year, with several years in the middle working crappy laboring jobs (though not all of them low-paying).
As for motivation while you're there, I don't think I ever really figured that one out, I married my motivation and then she gave birth to some more. I do know that when I drifted away from school to work, I wasn't really expecting to ever get married, and I certainly wasn't expecting to ever have kids. I try not to focus on regrets in life, knowing that having done anything differently I quite likely wouldn't be who I am now, but things sure would be easier for me now if I had just stuck with it and finished it when I should have. Back then I had just enough money to live on and all the time in the world, plenty for studying and several hours of counter strike per day, now I have spent the last 5 years working my way through school with a full time job and a family to support, often with not enough money to make ends meet, which means I'll graduate with a bunch of student debts and credit card debts.
Hopefully some of that will help scare you back on track.

I know it's as good as impossible to force your way through school when you have no motivation, but just remember, it's never going to be any easier to get through school than it is now.

[Brewer]

I will try to be gentle about this. I don't feel bad for you. Suck it up.

College is not supposed to be easy, we all know that. If you are having trouble with your courses then I highly recommend you spend some more time in the library studying, rather than playing video games at home. For the first time in my life I am spending ~3 hours a day (some days more) in the library studying and I am holding down high A's in all five of my courses.

As for not having many friends, I can somewhat sympathize. I moved around a lot as a child so I didn't develop socially the same way that other kids did, but that doesn't stop me from doing anything. Also, I don't know anyone in the Computer Science faculty at my school; not one single person. It just so happens that none of my friends are interested in Computer Science, and that's ok with me.

I can't coach you on how to make friends because I'm not very good at making friends myself, but I still seem to make friends with the people that I want to.

I have always found that hacking away at some code has always been a good release from me. I can sit in front of a desktop for hours with some music and an energy drink and do work. You need to find your release. Anyone who tells you that eventually things will get better on their own is full of shit, nothing will get better unless you make it better and that's just the harsh reality of life.

How old are you? I am obviously in no place to tell you what to do but maybe you need to shake things up in your life. Move to a new city and go to a different university. It doesn't have to be a world away, just a few miles. One of the good things about moving is that you HAVE to make friends. Being in a city where you know nobody and nothing is rough, so you will subconsciously build friendships with people you meet.

I hope something I said here helps. Theres no reason why you should be depressed over school. Here's the way I view school: every class I go to I will (most likely) learn something. That puts me one step closer to being smarter than everyone around me; which, to me, is the ultimate goal. Yes, this is an asshole way to see things, but I now go to class every day and do all of my assignments which get turned in on time, which is something that I never used to do.

[dorknexus]

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tl;dr
struggling with 3rd year of uni/ no real friends, no motivation, how to gain motivation?

Perhaps it's time to consider something you enjoy more major wise? If you truly enjoy what you're doing in school it should be a lot less of a chore for starters.

School can definitely get rough sometimes but I can remember telling myself "Just 4 short years of this shit and you'll have a degree." Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but you definitely gotta stick with it and keeping telling yourself "this sucks now, but it is going to be worth it."

As far as drinking and using drugs go...you gotta have someway to relax and enjoy your life in the midst of being stressed out at school. I would just recommend using smoking/drinking as a reward. Tell yourself "If I study for X amount of hours then I can go smoke one." or "If I get this project done then I can go get sloshed at the bar."

If you have other responsibilities to fulfill (i.e. homework, studying, working) you must give those the highest priority. This is called "responsible drug usage." Totally mind blowing concept for some people who already posted, I'm sure.

As far as being socially awkward goes...don't stress about it. If you stress about it you're going to be awkward and nervous. Just be yourself and be courteous and sensitive to others. Listen more, talk less to start. Once you warm up to people then you'll probably hit it off with them. Also, drinking is a wonderful way to meet new people because you tend to be more outgoing when you've been drinking.

Work before play, but absolutely play hard to keep yourself sane.

Other motivating sayings that may be of use:

For when you're burnt out and tired and just want to sleep:
"I can sleep when I'm dead."

For when school is getting rough and stressing you out:
"Anything worth doing ain't easy."

For when that girl at the bar who's hitting on you isn't as attractive as you'd like:
"Beggars can't be choosers." or "Maybe just a few more drinks."

This post has been edited by Dark_Nexus: 24 January 2011 - 03:06 PM

[modi123_1]

OP - did you ever have a passion for what ever your degree is in? (By the way, what is it in?) If you didn't but were forced due to perception of socioeconomic sustainability post graduation then really, find a new degree. Scrap what you are doing and do something more akin to what you love.

Oh, and go seek some professional help. Check your school's free health services. Sure it might be an undergrad psych major, but that's better than sloshing buckets of emo on the internet to a board you have two posts on.

Fit of amusing - I checked the only other post this cat has ( http://www.dreaminco...pic/198498-hai/ )

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2nd year software engineering / psychology student reporting in =]

Are these still your majors?

[Christoph]

Amen brother

[lordofduct]

I have a suggestion about how you don't make friends.

You don't whine about 'depression' as the kick off of your introduction with them. For instance you have 2 posts here on this forum... why the fuck should I care if you're depressed, stressed, whatever.

Grow some balls and suck it the fuck up. If you're truly manicly depressed or the sort, a forum is NOT where you go for help... that's like hiring an alligator to be your swim lifeguard. Not a bright idea.

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2nd year software engineering / psychology student reporting in =]

If you're a psych majour... you should know this. And if you're a psych majour because you think you might have a disorder and that this might give your some edge in the field, or help you figure out your problems... well, look around at the other students in the class... that's the same reason they're there. Because not one of them has the balls to get help the appropriate way, yet they think they can offer that help to others. Enter the fucking machine...

This post has been edited by lordofduct: 24 January 2011 - 03:32 PM

[supersloth]

most people are about as happy as they choose to be.

[5thWall]

I'll second , do you have a passion for what you're doing? I was feeling pretty burnt out in my third year as a mechanical engineer. I'd always been accustom to studying alone, so that exacerbated the problem. What started turning things around for me was finally realizing that I really, really didn't want to be a mechanical engineer for the rest of my life. The other major thing that helped was joining a student club. I still did lots of studying alone, but it was great to be able to talk with classmates about projects, homework, get and give advice to and from other students, and bitch about professors.

Maybe changing majors isn't the right decision for you, but definitely look into joining a student organization.

[NeoTifa]

Dark_Nexus, on 24 January 2011 - 04:54 PM, said:

If you truly enjoy what you're doing in school it should be a lot less of a chore for starters.

Easy for you to say, you never had to take DiffEq. :x

5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

What started turning things around for me was finally realizing that I really, really didn't want to be a mechanical engineer for the rest of my life. The other major thing that helped was joining a student club. I still did lots of studying alone, but it was great to be able to talk with classmates about projects, homework, get and give advice to and from other students, and bitch about professors.

5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

around for me was finally realizing that I really, really didn't want to be a mechanical engineer for the rest of my life. The other major thing that helped was joining a student club. I still did lots of studying alone, but it was great.

5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

that I really, really didn't want to be a mechanical engineer for the rest of my life.

5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

didn't want to be a mechanical engineer

5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

didn't want to be a mechanical engineer

WHAT?! Why the fuck not?! Engineers are cool! gtfo.

[dorknexus]

engineers are like penises....er wait maybe that's something different.

EITHER WAY ENGINEERS ARE LAME.

[macosxnerd101]

NeoTifa, on 24 January 2011 - 10:49 PM, said:

Dark_Nexus, on 24 January 2011 - 04:54 PM, said:

If you truly enjoy what you're doing in school it should be a lot less of a chore for starters.

Easy for you to say, you never had to take DiffEq. :x

Ten bucks says he did. Actually, I'm willing to bet $1 Million that he took Differential Equations.

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5thWall, on 24 January 2011 - 05:37 PM, said:

didn't want to be a mechanical engineer

WHAT?! Why the fuck not?! Engineers are cool! gtfo.

Computer scientists are much cooler. They can keep you in the red and the black, all while going green by planting trees.