[modi123_1]

cite: http://www.wowt.com/.../117552024.html

victim: Brian Higbee
bad person: Former girlfriend Lisa L. Johnson

What:

Quote

Former girlfriend Lisa L. Johnson has been sending him harassing messages for more than a year.

"Thousands...by fax, email, voice messages, phone calls," Higbee said.

After their relationship dissolved, Higbee got a protection order last March but nothing has changed. Higbee said Johnson has violated the protection order at least fifty times.

A laundry list of offenses:

Quote

Between March 30 and April 16, 2010, she was charges with violation of a protection order. On April 30, violation of protection order, domestic violence destruction of property, domestic violence assault and violation of a protection order on August 8th.

On that night in late April, the harassment got physical when Johnson showed up at Higbee's house.

"(She) used a car jack to bust the door window out and then she crawled in through the window and assaulted me with the jack and the fight was on," Higbee said.

He tackled Johnson, holding her down until police arrived. Higbee said at first police thought he was assaulting Johnson and threatened to use a tazer on him.

WHAt?!

Quote

Johnson was charged with domestic violence assault in the incident but the charge was reduced later in court.

Several of the other incidents were dismissed or plea bargained down.

At least someone wised up.

Quote

The harassment finally caught up with Johnson. She was convicted of misdemeanor and felony stalking, serving a total of seven months in prison for the two offenses. Even that didn't stop the harassment.

Johnson sent Higbee a letter while she was in prison --- a clear violation of the protection order.

Two things - has anyone had a stalker that wouldn't quit? (Side note I guess that's why they are a stalker because they refuse to break contact.. derpity derp to me).

How about a time of egregious reverse discrimination? People who refused to believe you because the idea of the situation was too comical?


Side note - this old thread is preemptively struck from the discussion unless there are amusing updates to share.

[lordofduct]

interesting story, makes me think of the Christopher Titus bit about his tiny Jewish girlfriend who beat him (part of his Norman Rockwell set).



As for myself, nothing this extreme... but a few minor cases.

1) This one girl who lived not far from the bar I frequented. I would go to her place on nights that I was out way to late to find a proper way home (a ride, taxi, etc). She was bat shit crazy and I got bored of her after a while and stopped communicating. She made a few threats, and then one day I was out in my front yard smoking a butt and chatting on the phone when she tried to run me over with her cousin's car.

When I say bored... I should more say weirded out. And it takes a lot to weird me out. What threw me off was I was an hour south hanging out with some new ladies I had met. We were just cruising around the ghetto when I received a phone call from the aforementioned girl. (quotes are not verbatim)

her: "I need a ride... NOW."
me: "hrmm? Why and where are you?"
her: "I'm somewhere on Dixie (US 1), not sure where... you need to come now!"
me: "Dixie, that's kind of a long road (goes from Key West to Maine), where on Dixie?"
(note: I was on Dixie, 60 miles south of her)

her: "NOW! I'm naked, and I don't know where I am."
me: "... naked? How did this happen? Why aren't you at home?"
her: "I got in a fight with my grandma and I left."
me: "your grandma? Isn't your grandma dead?"
her: "well yeah, but that didn't fuckin' stop her!"

turned out she was on LSD.



2) The other one was just stellar. Make that long story short:

*she ate my toenails
*she gave me a card saying she wished things worked out between us and that we had math loving babies together
*she broke into my house while I was asleep to lay in bed with me and kiss me
*she told a lot of people how we were in a relationship
*I finally got rid of her by giving her a cat, which she named after me, and she is "now content because I have a piece of you"
*today goes around and on the mention of my name proclaims "ohhh ex's, you know how that is."

I am not the only guy she's done this too.






I have to admit, I bet there are some people out there who have just as asinine of stories about me.

"You know what he did? He went all screamy and ran down the street naked calling me his mother and say 'no mommy, I don't want a bath, you're a bad mommy'."

This post has been edited by lordofduct: 08 March 2011 - 12:39 PM

[Sergio Tapia]

LOL. Sorry but that's all I can muster up after reading that. A++++ would read again.

I demand more stories, I'm sure you have more than enough to share!

[lordofduct]

I don't know, they kind of go into lala land from there.

Like the God in a toilet... I'm evil.

[BenignDesign]

I had a creepy little stalker in college. Not nearly as entertaining as LoD's barrage of psychos, but creepy.

That's all I have to say about that. Now back to my happy place.....

[lordofduct]

One more crazy for the hoo-has.

So a while back I was dating this girl I had known for years. One of those relationships destined to fail, when you date the girl you had a crush on 10 years prior in middle school. Interesting time that started naked with an empty bottle of absynthe and a broken glass table. Ended with a broken vodka bottle and my yelling "of course you'll never replace my dead brother, HE'S MY DEAD BROTHER!"

She actually wasn't all that crazy, and we're still friends today. Actually just visited her a couple weeks ago, she just had to meet my current girlfriend of 2 years and going strong. Because just like dating your friend who you had a crush on middle school, they remain your friend despite the weird times.

The crazy one was a friend of hers. This junkie who had just got out of rehab and still loved to party. We all planned a trip to New York city for 20->24 hours. It was this thing where we'd pick a random city, buy business class tickets at weird hours, and fly cheap to the city for a day of partying. See some museums, go to a show, get plastered, then sleep it off on the flight home. It was fun, and surprisingly cheap at the time (before plane ticket prices sky rocketed).

I guess this girl found me to be a fuckin' hoot or something. Because immediately after I broke up with the girl I knew since middle school, miss ex-junkie dove in for the catch. And she failed... main reason she failed is she tried to spark the relationship over a joint. And LoD and pot don't mix... I smoke pot and I'm not horny for a week.

So this girl disapears. I don't hear from her for a couple years. I think NOTHING of her, I couldn't even remember her name.

Then she randomly rears her head:

* I get a phone call from a friend telling me that this girl has been calling him several times to get my number. He didn't give it to her, he knew she was bonkers.

* Random messages on facebook and/or myspace. Nothing to weird, didn't really make me think crazy or anything. I just ignored, didn't really care to get to know her.

* A few people I knew would 'pass along' a hug or a kiss from her. I would stare confused at the proxy bearer and they would find it odd that they needed to explain to me who the girl was because I didn't know who it was by name.

*Then it got weird...

I get a phone call from my brother's family. I say brother because he spent a good deal of his life either living with me or in prison. Good kid, weird family. His sister had just got out of rehab, she had gone in to sober up while pregnant. While there she made a new 'beeest friend!'

her. . .

she relapsed

And now I have my brother's mom asking me how I knew her and how awesome it is that we know each other and how cute and sweet she is and how she is going to get to name the new baby and how she is so good for heather (the sister) and how she named the baby after me and how she's going to live with them and...

put on the brakes...

she named the kid after me!?

I hung up the phone, turned to my brother, and said, "your family is fucking whack dude!"



The weirdest thing is I've still yet to see ms. crazy since I broke up with the girl from middle school. She built herself all up to this oddity with out once actually seeing me. I swear we hung out maybe a total of 3 times in our entire lives.

This post has been edited by lordofduct: 08 March 2011 - 01:26 PM

[bingy]

B9 you really shouldn't call Mac's bathroom your happy place

This post has been edited by bingy: 08 March 2011 - 01:14 PM

[BenignDesign]

What happens in Mac's bathroom STAYS in Mac's bathroom... but mostly because the water washes it away...

[Kilorn]

I demand that we rename this topic "lordofduct's storytime corner" and hear every story the man has to offer. Keep it going, LOD, this shit is hilarious.

This post has been edited by Kilorn: 08 March 2011 - 01:23 PM

[xclite]

Your exes almost make my ex look sane.

[Magixion]

For real... and I thought I had obsessed ex-girlfriends. Encore lod, encore!

[macosxnerd101]

BenignDesign, on 08 March 2011 - 03:17 PM, said:

What happens in Mac's bathroom STAYS in Mac's bathroom... but mostly because the water washes it away...

And since we're not in Vegas, we make sure to play it safe.

[lordofduct]

one last one

NOTE: I tell these stories through a humorous filter. It may paint the individuals in the stories more as caricatures than as characters. Think of it more gonzo than serious.



So in a period of 2 years my grandfather, father, and youngest brother passed away, as well as a few other people close in my life. As do most in this scenario, I drank enough to embarass a sailor. None of my friends could keep up with me, everyong I met at the bar would fold long before my night was over. I was in self destruct mode, screaming like a cannon ball through the streets of my city, bottle of vodka in one hand, and my cock in the other.

This one night while out on the town with this coke whore of a bitch, she introduces me to a mutual friend who knew my crew from high school, but I oddly had never met. She wasn't the best looking girl, but she had a big ol' ass, long dread locks, and when we were 2 bottles into the night, I knew it might be fun to keep this one around.

The next I knew we're on the side of the road in the historic district, on our way to some 'friend's house who doubled as a drug dealer. I remember getting lost on the way and finding ourselves in this ghetto as gas station playing catch with the car keys and trying to figure out who would drive. We then ended up at this 'party' deal and the last I know I was there with a triple shot of Patron and a balloon full of nitrous. I was in the middle of telling this anecdote about something, and taking a shot ::THROW UP:: that I just threw up while speaking. I didn't even pause, I merely said:

"please pass me that towel, and as I was saying we were blah blah blah"

"Hard... hu... core dude."

We were dating. This relationship was born in the loins of perfection, don't ya think!?

As with any relationship started at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol, it was a bit... err... volatile. We broke up several times and would get back together. The reasons for why ranged from stupid to fucking retarded... some of my favourites include:


*At a concert out of town she told the bouncer that I hit her and that he should kick my ass. The bar tender calmed the situation down, if only because my bar tab was this side of a months paycheck for him (note I'm not wealthy, I just didn't care). She proceeded to break my nose in the street out front and sleep in the trunk on the ride home.


*I broke up with her on her birthday because I thought she was dressed like a "hippy cunt". Really I just wanted to sleep with a friend who had swung into town, and needed an excuse to get out of going to the birthday. Hey, it ain't cheatin'... we was broken up bitch! Oh, I'm a douche? Well your a fat vegan... never knew those could exist!


*my alltime fav

After a halloween party we went to w/ 2 of my best friends, both little punk chicks (and to my gf's dismay, exes). I sat in the passenger seat as one of my friends drove... I was not to be driving this evening.

oh, oh, tangent. I had gone to this party dressed in a big trashy shirt, you know the kind you see on a pregnant woman in the stereotypical trailer park. Under it I had placed some padding and a doll. The doll was tied around my waste and I walked around like this for half the party. After the 10th person asked me what the fuck I was I responded:

"Ain't non yo' fuckin' business dick wad." ::plop, drop baby from belly:: "Damn it, you got me all pissed, my water dun broke. Fuck this shit, I ain't gonna let it ruin my buzz!" ::proceed to drink more whilst dragging baby around on floor::

All my work mates immediately recognized it to be the new girl at our work who had up and left work one night because she was 'ill'. 4 weeks later only to return to our confused faces. We had thought her fired, but she only responded with:

"Nah honey, I was on maternity leave. Can't you tell." ::does the little sway to and frow to show off the loss of weight...::

"Ummmm... no", she was still fat as she was when she left. And this was the first we knew of the pregnancy.

Well it turned out this girl was hooked on over the counter drugs and her kid came out all fucked up. We were all heart breaking, worst she would send e-mails full of pictures of this kid dressed up as a fireman or a doctor, all with his little plastic breathing tube sticking out of the buttons of the shirt. I'm talking I wanted to murder this girl! Instead of murder, I mocked.


Anyways, back to what I was saying. I was passing out in the passenger seat mumbling to myself as I did in my sleep at the time. I guess something I said just got under her skin because I come to with the seat belt round my neck choking me and her screaming.

"I'm damn near sick and fucking tired of hearing your sob story mother fucker. You're a pussy, a fucking pussy. God damn, just get over your father and brother for once why don't you!"

My best friend driving the car slammed the brakes asking me if I wanted her to shank a' hoe. I told her nah, we're just drunk, I am a pussy anyways...






hrmmm, I think they've tended more toward sad than funny... see I told you... I can only do so many.

This post has been edited by lordofduct: 08 March 2011 - 05:54 PM

[modi123_1]

Through a fit of situational irony a mildly crazy girl I was sort of seeing just called me after a three month hiatus. Yeah this one is a winner.

She's the one that couldn't park right in my apartment complex, moved out in the rain, and left me a soggy note on my windshield to find eight hours later. This train of fun continued where the three times we were heading out for the evening she was smashed. Either pregamed too much or that's just how she is. Stellar. Quite whiney... overly dependent on text messages, and owes me about twenty five bones for over text messages back when she stopped talking to me.

Love the times we are living in. Roll tide.