Jokes about software engineers

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50 Replies - 26151 Views - Last Post: 26 April 2012 - 07:31 PM

#1 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Jokes about software engineers

Posted 05 May 2011 - 04:57 PM

Forgive me if you've heard these before, but here goes! :)

1. A wife asks her software engineer husband to get some shopping, she says to him "get a carton of milk and if they have eggs get six". The husband returns home with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him why he got six cartons of milk to which he replied, "they had eggs!"

2. How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem.


Replies To: Jokes about software engineers

#2 codeprada  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 05 May 2011 - 07:18 PM

A programmer went to take a shower after hitting the gym. His trainer noticed he was spending a very long time in the shower so he went by the door to see what's going on.

He asked, "Hey, ahh..how's it going in there?"

The programmer replied, "I'm just washing my hair."

"How long can that possibly take? You've been in there for the past 3 hours."

"Well the instructions said I should lather, rinse and repeat".

#3 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 06 May 2011 - 07:11 AM

I'm a cheeseburger!




...

I'm rather shit at jokes.

#4 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 06 May 2011 - 10:29 AM

View Postcodeprada, on 06 May 2011 - 03:18 AM, said:

A programmer went to take a shower after hitting the gym. His trainer noticed he was spending a very long time in the shower so he went by the door to see what's going on.

He asked, "Hey, ahh..how's it going in there?"

The programmer replied, "I'm just washing my hair."

"How long can that possibly take? You've been in there for the past 3 hours."

"Well the instructions said I should lather, rinse and repeat".

Nice! :bananaman:

#5 codeprada  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 06 May 2011 - 11:49 AM

Two programmers got a project in which they had to travel aboard. After quite some time searching the streets for a good place to eat they decided to hit a small restaurant. They each ordered lunch and sat down to eat facing each other. One programmer gasp as he looked over the shoulder of the other to find an incredibly huge guy at the next table.

He exclaimed, "Damm that guy's got an enormous over-bite!! I hope he doesn't bite his chest!!".

The other programmer looked round in a hurry to see what the big fuss was about.

As he turn and watched in disbelief he too shouted, "WTF that's no over-bite...that's a freaking GIGA-BYTE!!"

#6 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 06 May 2011 - 11:59 AM

Way to much set up for a pretty lame pun. If it were scaled back it maybe could get a giggle.

#7 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 06 May 2011 - 12:28 PM

View Postlordofduct, on 06 May 2011 - 07:59 PM, said:

Way to much set up for a pretty lame pun. If it were scaled back it maybe could get a giggle.

Agreed.

#8 v0rtex  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 12:40 AM

Not hilarious but somewhat of a lol:

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know", said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no", said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well", said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 06:42 AM

Yeah, this joke confirmed I'm a hardware person. :( stereotypes ftl?

#10 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 06:57 AM

That was a great joke! :D

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 12:47 PM

a computer science student is sitting under a tree reading a book as another computer science student pulls up on a bike. the student under the tree says "nice bike man, where did you get it?" to which the other replayed
"a girl pulled up on it and started taking off her close and said 'you can have anything you want'"
to which the student under the tree replayed
"great choice man, the close wouldn't have fit you anyways"

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 03:23 PM

lol Nice one ishkabible

#13 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 08 May 2011 - 05:37 PM

The one I was going to tell was just like v0rtex's joke but with details.

#14 v0rtex  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 20 May 2011 - 11:56 AM

Its ok:

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

#15 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 20 May 2011 - 12:00 PM

lol! Excellent. :D

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