Jokes about software engineers

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50 Replies - 29756 Views - Last Post: 26 April 2012 - 07:31 PM

#31 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 23 June 2011 - 07:28 AM

I've been finding all the jokes thus far pretty crap.

That one got me to actually laugh.

#32 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 23 June 2011 - 12:14 PM

View Postgabehabe, on 23 June 2011 - 09:03 AM, said:

Actually an engineering joke rather than software, but still applies.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

That's a great one! :)

#33 NeoTifa  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 24 June 2011 - 08:52 AM

Yeah but the engineer would have to think about it for 10 mins to come up with the best possible solution with the least margin of error first. ;)

#34 pryogene  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 04 October 2011 - 01:57 AM

A programmer is out at sea when he starts drowning. So he screams "F1! F1!". Ofcourse, nobody understands him so he dies.

Lame. I know.

This post has been edited by pryogene: 04 October 2011 - 02:02 AM


#35 AmbientTech  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 04 October 2011 - 05:11 AM

Programmer pickup lines
//kids, don't try this at home

Some say Iím static but you know I can fill your private void.



Mind if I look up some terms in your API?



I see you declared boolean IsSexy true. Wanna check the value of long PenisSize?



Iíll call your subroutine if you cast my primitive type.



I prefer interpreters. Donít plan ahead, just go with the flow, and embrace any surprises along the way.



Iíd sure like to catch your exception and overflow my stack.



May I pipe my stdout to your stdin?



I canít wait to inject my SQL into your application layer.



Mind if I extend your class and access your protected fields?



Come over here and break my switch statement if you want to see my big-O notation.



If you donít fuck guys like me, at least give me a chance to throw your exception.



Iíd love to query your tables and natural-join our columns.



You and me are like boolean logic. (Making hand gestures) Iím a 1 and youíre a 0.



Baby, with me, itís while == true. It just goes on forever.



Iím like a global variable: Iím into everything.

#36 Altair128  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 04 October 2011 - 01:47 PM

Dude, I assume you're still single?

#37 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 04 October 2011 - 02:20 PM

This has gone downhill. :dozingoff:

#38 AmbientTech  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 04 October 2011 - 05:35 PM

Quote

Dude, I assume you're still single?

Didn't say that I had used them.

#39 pryogene  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 05 October 2011 - 04:03 AM

View PostAmbientTech, on 04 October 2011 - 06:35 PM, said:

Quote

Dude, I assume you're still single?

Didn't say that I had used them.

But you quoted enough of them :P

have you heard of the object orientated way to become rich?
it's inheritance...

This post has been edited by pryogene: 05 October 2011 - 04:06 AM


#40 KBoogle  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 15 October 2011 - 03:00 PM

Posted Image

#41 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 15 October 2011 - 03:28 PM

View PostKBoogle, on 15 October 2011 - 11:00 PM, said:

Posted Image

That one is good! :D

#42 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 16 October 2011 - 05:24 PM

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

#43 KBoogle  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 16 October 2011 - 06:13 PM

Redneck Computer Terms

LOG ON: Makiní a woodstove hot.
LOG OFF: Donít add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepiní an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gittiní the farwood off the truck.
MEGA HERTZ: When youíre not keerfull gittiní the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gittiní home in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when itís cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut when itís black fly season.
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whutís in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrixís wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys.
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MOUSE PAD: Thatís hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, ďCímon in, yíall.Ē
CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun donít far when you pull the trigger.
REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kittyís still outside.

#44 gabehabe  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 17 October 2011 - 03:47 AM

View PostAmbientTech, on 04 October 2011 - 01:11 PM, said:

Programmer pickup lines
//kids, don't try this at home

These are amazing, I may try some just to see what kind of looks I get.

#45 anonymous26  Icon User is offline

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Re: Jokes about software engineers

Posted 17 October 2011 - 01:14 PM

View Postno2pencil, on 17 October 2011 - 01:24 AM, said:

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Nice! :D

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