[BenignDesign]

Self-control is overrated.

So... how many wives do you have?

[jon.kiparsky]

trixt.er, on 25 April 2012 - 10:59 PM, said:

ishkabible, on 25 April 2012 - 07:16 PM, said:

I'm a Mormon. Seriously. It's against my religion and just not worth it. I believe in having self control.

Serious? You've got the word of god saying "Thou shalt not ejaculate except in the company of another person"? I want the reference.

Not to get down on someone else's religion, but if I were looking for a god, I'd want one with more important things on his mind. This one just sounds like a real wanker.

[WolfCoder]

Now that makes me wonder what the magic Mormon underwear is for. I know it's your belief, but if you don't want us to laugh at it then don't make it so damn funny.

[dorknexus]

Quote

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

~Voltaire

[KYA]

jon.kiparsky, on 26 April 2012 - 11:31 AM, said:

Not to get down on someone else's religion, but if I were looking for a god, I'd want one with more important things on his mind. This one just sounds like a real wanker.

I felt this needed more emphasis.

haha, get it? get it?

[WolfCoder]

[ishkabible]

jon.kiparsky, on 26 April 2012 - 06:31 PM, said:

*snip*


Serious? You've got the word of god saying "Thou shalt not ejaculate except in the company of another person"? I want the reference.
*snip*

I think it says something along the lines of "it's better for your seed to land in the belly of a whore than on the ground." apparently captain obvious wrote the bible; why fuck yourself when you can fuck someone else.

This post has been edited by ishkabible: 27 April 2012 - 07:41 AM

[BenignDesign]

Especially if that someone else is a known whore... who swallows.

This post has been edited by BenignDesign: 27 April 2012 - 07:53 AM

[jon.kiparsky]

ishkabible, on 27 April 2012 - 09:39 AM, said:

I think it says something along the lines of "it's better for your seed to land in the belly of a whore than on the ground." apparently captain obvious wrote the bible; why fuck yourself when you can fuck someone else.

The story usually cited to defend the "god hates masturbation" idea is Onan (and masturbation is sometimes referred to as "onanism" in reference to this story) but clearly what god hates in that story is the "withdrawal" method of birth control. (One of the more sensible passages in the bible, as it turns out - it doesn't work)

This is somewhat different from the story you're describing, although it does include the striking phrase about "spilling one's seed upon the ground" (makes me think of a parakeet) so I think you may have misremembered. I am pretty certain that there is no actual reference to masturbation in the christian bible, apart from any potential translation-based puns that I'm sure will come up. What I'm curious about is whether the Mormons have some more recent updates from god which prohibit this practice, which is emphatically allowed for more traditional sects of christianity, at least if you take their holy book as a guide.

[BenignDesign]

I thought Catholics were forbidden to masturbate as well. My ex went to an all-boys Catholic school (he's now a devout athiest) and he once told me that he was 21 before he first masturbated because of the hardcore Catholic guilt that had been drilled into him all his life.

[jon.kiparsky]

BenignDesign, on 27 April 2012 - 10:22 AM, said:

I thought Catholics were forbidden to masturbate as well. My ex went to an all-boys Catholic school (he's now a devout athiest)

Nah, they've just been misinformed. It's not in the bible, anyway.

Quote

he once told me that he was 21 before he first masturbated because of the hardcore Catholic guilt that had been drilled into him all his life.

"guilt"? Is that what they called it? Did you ever ask him to point to "guilt" on the doll?

[BenignDesign]

Perhaps guilt isn't the right word.... fear, maybe?

He said it was almost like he worried his weiner would burst into flames if he touched it inappropriately.

Of course, when he finally did it - and nothing happened - he went nuts, joined the military and lost his viginity to a hooker in Spain.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have borne children to this man.

This post has been edited by BenignDesign: 27 April 2012 - 08:48 AM

[jon.kiparsky]

Quote

and lost his viginity to a hooker in Spain.

I always love that phrase. "Lost" it? What, in a card game maybe?

[supersloth]

it's a gift that he gave to a hooker in spain.

[baavgai]

Well, "lost" in something...

I was wondering why such a basic sounding topic was going on so long. Should have guessed. *looks at B9*

jon.kiparsky, on 27 April 2012 - 10:38 AM, said:

It's not in the bible, anyway.

Most of Catholicism ain't in the Bible. I think it's called house rules or something. I kind of imagine Luther saying something like, "Wait, what?!? Have you actually read this book? Note of that crap is in here. These priests are just messing with you." Sadly, most history tends to be paraphrased.