Local Yokels

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267 Replies - 27529 Views - Last Post: 20 October 2014 - 11:46 AM

#1 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:32 AM

As one born and bred in Podunk, I love odd news stories (ie, Amishman buys new tractor, Dog enjoys sled ride, Prom queen prefers mud bogging, etc), but this one - Mobile home falls on man - caught my attention.

The short of it: some guy from my hometown was ON A HILL, jacking up his mobile home, when *surprise!* the jack let loose and the trailer landed on him. I'm really wondering who it is - if I possibly went to high school with this person. The fire chief (my brother-in-law) isn't spilling the details.

Overall, I guess I'm just hoping the actual events that brought about this man's decision were rooted in far more planning and logic than the story I've created in my head.

What kind of odd news stories have come from your neck of the woods? Or have you created an awesome back-story to go with the piece I posted? I want to hear them!

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#2 DarenR  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:34 AM

Interesting to say the least... no all i hear on the news around hear are the typical:

fire
shooting
fire
theft
traffic


in that order on a daily basis
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#3 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:36 AM

Well there was the fist pumping champion I posted about earlier this year, & now the Amish guilty of hate crimes in Ohio beard-cuttings
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#4 JackOfAllTrades  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:36 AM

Were there munchkins involved?
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#5 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:45 AM

OHIO = Land of awkward news and farm llamas
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#6 JackOfAllTrades  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 06:49 AM

Not much interesting happens in my town.

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2:12 p.m. Originally, one caller reported a break in to her residence on Joanna Dr. that occurred during the day. The homeowner later called, saying that he had moved his children’s belongings to “teach them a lesson about leaving the door unlocked.”


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3:04 p.m. L.L. Bean representatives called to report a stray cat living in one of their tractor-trailers. Animal control officer Jeff Collins safely removed the animal.


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11:04 a.m. Caller reported a bat in her residence with a possible exposure.


Yawn. Big news this summer was two people dying from ODs at the Identity Festival in the arena in town.
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#7 baavgai  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:36 AM

This guy is a local. I see him around: http://theweirdusmes...y-says-Hello-w-

The town was in the world record books for most bars per capital, which gives you some idea what we're dealing with. Lots of bicycle riders; drunk Polish guys who've lost their licence. One drives the bike with his elbows, so he has one hand free for the cigarette and the other for whatever is in the brown paper bag.

We name our joggers. "Molasses Man" is still around, but I haven't seen "Dances with Cars" for a while; not a surprise, I suppose.

The town is responsible for most of the asbestos production in the US. Locals recall "pink snow." On the up side, house fires are very rare; most houses being sheathed in fire proof material.
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#8 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:44 AM

From the news channel that is dead last, outsourced to Davenport, Iowa, and typically needs permission to be at the "grown up news scenes":

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KPTM - In mystical terms, an aura is the elctro-magnetic field surrounding people's bodies.

It's said to represent your true, and perhaps hidden, personality.

Some people say they can see auras.

Others say they rely on special camera equipment to show people what's really behind their true self.

Some sources say the first aura photograph was taken by Nikola Tesla in 1890 in a dangerous experiment involving high amounts of electricity.
Showing You Your True Colors

Lost and found..

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An Omaha man thought he'd never see a prized personal possession again -- a $5,000 racing bicycle. And then he spotted it on eBay. Investigators tell him there is little they can do.

"It's sort of like seeing a ghost. You don't ever expect to see it again," said Gerald Kubiak.

Five months ago -- his bicycle fell off his bike rack on Interstate 680. And now it shows up for sale on e-bay. "This is unsafe merchandise. This is a bike that fell off a car at 60mph on the interstate."

Missing Bicycle Turns Up on Ebay

Classy cheerleaders..

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A group of local cheerleaders is raising thousands of dollars for a friend and fellow student in need of a new wheelchair.

Every Friday night, the Papillion-La Vista South cheerleaders smile, flip and yell to the crowd to back their team.

Derek Caster knows how much work the girls put into their routines with practices during the week. He’s been friends with many of the cheerleaders since junior high.

“Since my mom's the coach, it keeps the friendships there,” explained Derek. “It's not, 'Oh, we're cheerleaders now. We're too cool.'"

That’s evident as soon as Derek enters the room where the girls practice. Many stop their conversations or routines to yell hi to the Papillion-La Vista South senior.

They’ve also watched Derek over the years, as Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy has slowly changed his life.

“Many of us have known Derek since he wasn't even in a wheelchair,” described cheer captain, Marissa Jeffery, through tears. “It's kind of emotional for many of us.”
Cheerleaders raise thousands for student's new wheelchair
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#9 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:49 AM

Here is how easy it is - Go to Akron news site or Columbus news site you will find awkward as well as top notch journalism. (Thank god for Pheonix University of online intelligence)

In Columbus
Let's see todays news. Teen dies car surfing http://www.dispatch....ar-surfing.html

Inmates crochet plastic bags into sleeping mats for the homeless
http://www.dispatch....-the-weary.html

In Akron
Ohio couple says a stray cat saved their lives
http://www.ohio.com/...-lives-1.337085

My personal favorite:
Woman finds out late husband was also her father - http://www.ohio.com/...father-1.332813
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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:54 AM

From Norfolk - a smaller, more central town in Nebraska the story is: NHS grad Scott shares London experience... the opening line: "Pole vaulting, like life, has its ups and downs.". Bam!


From a smaller town than that - news title: Nihilistic nematode ravages Scotch pines. Someone flipped to a good page in the dictionary!
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#11 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:58 AM

View PostNykc, on 25 September 2012 - 10:49 AM, said:

Woman finds out late husband was also her father


Holy messed up story, Batman. I don't know if there's enough therapists in the world to get through that one.
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#12 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:59 AM

That's what you get when you pick up dates at the family reunion. Daaaayyyyumm.
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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:02 AM

We we don't have crazy national incest stories rolling around, but oh.. oh and we got barriers being broken down!

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1, 2, 3, 4 ... 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 9, 10, 11, 12 ... 13, 14, 15, 16 ... 1, 2, 3, 4 ... 5, 6, 7, 8 ...

That rhythmic counting pattern acts as a timing and movement roadmap for the members of the Columbus Discoverers Color Guard while they loop, twirl and flip their flashing flags in a synchronized routine on their high school practice ground.

Sophomore Jake Parker is the lone male lending his voice to the chorus of cadenced counting as the 24-member team aims to move as one in seamless precision while performing with the CHS marching band.

“We count out loud in practice, but we count in our heads during competition because we need to keep smiling (for audiences and judges) while performing,” Parker said with a slight grin during a break from practice.

Lone male joins CHS color guard

Posted Image
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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:07 AM

His scarf screams "masculinity".
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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 September 2012 - 08:13 AM

To be fair, all the flaggets color guard have to wear those fabulous scarves.

Posted Image


I think the bigger story is the Columbus Discoverers are not fielding a rifle twirling team this year! :omg:
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