Local Yokels

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296 Replies - 31318 Views - Last Post: 31 July 2015 - 02:59 PM

#286 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 16 July 2015 - 08:53 AM

An exercise in thinking your caper through before rolling on it.


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Would-be carjacker was too big to fit in the driver's seat, so he gave up and ran away
It sometimes pays to be short.

A 34-year-old woman inadvertently thwarted a carjacking early Thursday when she arrived at a South Omaha business to clean the building around 1:30 a.m. As she got out of her car near 33rd and L Streets, Omaha police said, she was approached by a man who pointed a gun at her and demanded the vehicle.

Police said the would-be carjacker tried to sit in the driver's seat but couldn't because of his size and because the driver's seat was moved forward, presumably so the woman could reach the gas and brake pedals.

The man apparently was unable to move the seat, police said, so he abandoned the car after having backed it up a few feet. He then fled from the area.

http://www.omaha.com...9397f91c00.html
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#287 macosxnerd101  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 16 July 2015 - 08:56 AM

The Washington Post published an article about a homeless man in DC who went to Harvard Law School with Chief Justice John Roberts.
http://www.washingto...ace1_story.html

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The judge settled his gaze on the homeless man accused of sleeping beside an office building in downtown Washington.

It was a Saturday afternoon in early April at D.C. Superior Court, and Alfred Postell, a diagnosed schizophrenic, stood before Judge Thomas Motley.

Postell’s hair was medium length and graying. His belly spilled over his pants. A tangled beard hung from his jowls.

“You have the right to remain silent,” a deputy clerk told Postell, according to a transcript of the arraignment. “Anything you say, other than to your attorney, can be used against you.”

“I’m a lawyer,” Postell replied.
A family photo of Alfred Postell, a graduate of the University of Maryland and Harvard Law, at his Harvard graduation. He is currently homeless and living in the D.C. area. (Family photo)

Motley ignored the seemingly bizarre assertion, mulling over whether Postell, charged with unlawful entry, posed a flight risk.

“I have to return,” Postell protested, offering a convoluted explanation: “I passed the Bar at Catholic University, was admitted to Constitution Hall. I swore the Oath of Office as an attorney at Constitution Hall in 1979; graduated from Harvard Law School in 1979.”

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#288 NeoTifa  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 July 2015 - 12:36 PM

phale

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Lancaster Police tell 10TV 28-year-old Christopher Reed fired an AR-15 rifle while attempting to clear the ammunition from the weapon at the Army/Air Force Recruiting Center on River Valley Boulevard Thursday afternoon.

The bullet struck the ground and no one was injured.

Reed was cited for accidental discharge in city limits. His gun was confiscated until a court hearing next week.

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#289 ChrispyChris  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 July 2015 - 12:38 PM

Hahaha wonder if he will be recruited!
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#290 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 July 2015 - 12:40 PM

I knew a guy that discharged a firearm inside a car dealership as he was trying to look cool by showing the chamber was _obviously_ empty, swinging the business end wide, and pulling the trigger for a (not-so) dry fire. No one injured except one lunch box that was in the line of the ricochet.
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#291 depricated  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 July 2015 - 12:53 PM

hahahahahahaha oh fuck I know that guy
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#292 ArtificialSoldier  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 July 2015 - 02:35 PM

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fired an AR-15 rifle while attempting to clear the ammunition from the weapon

So... success?
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#293 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 31 July 2015 - 01:56 PM

A $1 million bond has been issued for a Williard Ohio man accused of shooting his neighbor to death and then running her over with a law mower.
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#294 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 31 July 2015 - 02:49 PM

A dozy from last night..

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Omaha man accused of setting fire to his home after wife refused sexual advances
An Omaha man was charged with first-degree arson after he allegedly set fire to his home when his wife spurned his sexual advances.
[...]
The woman told an officer that she and Garcia, who had been drinking, were arguing most of the evening. She went to bed but awoke to find Garcia making sexual advances.

After spurning her husband’s advances, the woman went back to sleep only to be awakened by the smell of smoke. She told police that she found her husband in a bathroom closet setting fire to her clothes.
[...]

http://www.omaha.com...abc55f9697.html
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#295 ArtificialSoldier  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 31 July 2015 - 02:54 PM

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Omaha man accused of setting fire to his home after wife refused sexual advances

Oh c'mon, who hasn't done that? Slow news day.
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#296 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 31 July 2015 - 02:55 PM

I just keep hearing Buck Strickland's voice

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No, no, you see I I got (stammering) She spurned me! I've been spurned!

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#297 ArtificialSoldier  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 31 July 2015 - 02:59 PM

Posted Image
I was told I could have sexual relations at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.
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