Local Yokels

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267 Replies - 27094 Views - Last Post: 20 October 2014 - 11:46 AM

#151 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 05 March 2013 - 01:45 PM

I envision it as: "I was bird watching out in the front yard the other day, and saw you jog by. You are hot.. here's my number, call me maybe?".

Posted Image
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#152 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 08 March 2013 - 12:53 PM

Must read with dramatic "dun dun duuuun" sound effects.

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Two southeast Nebraska boys are accused of holding a very private but illegal bake sale in their own school. The Lancaster County Sheriff’s Office believe the 14 and 16 year old boys sold marijuana-laced brownies to three students at Norris High School.

A search of the 16-year-old’s vehicle turned up seven uneaten brownies.

http://www.wowt.com/...-196356941.html

Spoiler

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#153 h4nnib4l  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:13 AM

There was something a little fishy about that gun...

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Police in Ada, Oklahoma, this week arrested 28-year-old Christie Dawn Harris after a search of her car yielded meth, drug paraphernalia, a pistol, and some ammo.

But it wasn't until they reached the local jail that officers learned that Harris still had a few tricks up her vagina.


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She ultimately agreed to submit to a body cavity search, at which point Officer Kathy Unbewust says she "observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area."

That object turned out to be a Freedom Arms .22-caliber handgun loaded with three live rounds and one spent shell.


Well, where else would she put it? Her ass was already spoken for...

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"...as [Harris] turned around, [the officer] noticed more plastic baggies, larger placstic baggies wedged in the crack of her buttocks."

The baggies were found to contain an unspecified quantity of meth.


Winner.

Cite

EDIT: Forgot to include the quote about the best part...

This post has been edited by h4nnib4l: 11 March 2013 - 12:36 PM

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#154 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 11 March 2013 - 08:22 AM

A loaded .38... I wonder if she'll blame Southpark?

I wonder if she was humming 'Shoot to Thrill'?
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#155 atraub  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 23 March 2013 - 10:56 AM

Rumor has it a guy who use to live in my town moved to Arizona, got high, and drowned in a drainage ditch not that long ago. He was an asshole and we definitely were not friends but he was also a very troubled guy... so I'm conflicted on how much sympathy I should feel, assuming anything really happened.

EDIT:
This afternoon I ran into someone else who also heard that the guy had died.

This post has been edited by atraub: 23 March 2013 - 11:03 PM

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#156 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:37 AM

Usually when I hear about those incidents I go awwwe that sucks... and feel bad for his family but that is the gist of it.
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#157 lordofduct  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 March 2013 - 06:35 AM

People die every day.

This wasn't your friend, or your family, or anything of the sort.

Really as far as my experience has gone, one gets more annoyed when an unknown person has to much sympathy for the death in the family (shit, there was this one girl who made it out like my brother and dad were her own brother and dad... she hadn't ever met my father prior to death).

Just don't be a dick about it, that's all, and you've got the proper amount of sympathy necessary for anyone.
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#158 atraub  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 25 March 2013 - 09:37 PM

The town I lived in was really small. A lot of people got sucked into some pretty dark stuff. I can really only think of a few of us who managed to get out and in decent shape. This guy in particular was off... he was likely born with some issues but you could see in eyes that life had beaten him down pretty hard too, and I definitely coulda been nicer. I doubt he was really a bad kid deep down, just really scarred, I guess. Being back in this little town stirs up a lot of memories and makes me do a lot of reflecting. When I stay here too long my voice starts to pick up a southern twang.

EDIT:
On a similar note, how great is it looking at the facebook accounts of the people who were asses back in the day and seeing how terrible their lives are now? Juvenile? Yup!

This post has been edited by atraub: 25 March 2013 - 09:45 PM

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#159 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 26 March 2013 - 04:49 AM

View Postatraub, on 26 March 2013 - 12:37 AM, said:

EDIT:
On a similar note, how great is it looking at the facebook accounts of the people who were asses back in the day and seeing how terrible their lives are now? Juvenile? Yup!


Or the ones who were asses and still have it better than you. Yep facebook is still gay and pointless
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#160 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 26 March 2013 - 06:15 AM

You're gay and pointless. And that's why I love you. :wub:


I have to give FB credit. Without it, I would have no clue what was going on with my family. In the past week alone, I learned that my aunt in Florida had a stroke, my uncle (who lives 3 miles away from me) had a heart attack, and my sister underwent testing for suspected ovarian cancer (all results came back negative, thankfully). Additionally, I've been able to confirm beyond the shadow of a doubt that my cousin Mandy is, as suspected, 3 gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon bucket and I almost COMPLETELY forgot my dad's birthday.

Granted, without FB, I wouldn't know where my brother went for dinner last night or how many pairs of shoes my best friend bought while her husband was working out of town, and I wouldn't be subjected to the mass retardism of gabehabe's barrage of comic strips that make no sense to me whatsoever, and I would spend a lot less time on Snopes verifying that the latest round of "omg we're all gonna die!" monster-in-the-closet warnings are, in fact, completely false.

Say what you will, but without Facebook, I fear I'd be missing funerals as no one will pick up the phone to tell me the important shit. So I'll deal with the walls of stupidity for the occasional nugget of useful information... and in the process, post my own stupidity for the kvetching pleasure of others.
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#161 NeoTifa  Icon User is online

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 02 April 2013 - 04:20 PM

Dude was too drunk to realize that he was killing the 6 month old baby he was raping. Yay Ohio.
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#162 aaron1178  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 03 April 2013 - 01:41 AM

View Postbaavgai, on 26 September 2012 - 12:36 AM, said:

This guy is a local. I see him around: http://theweirdusmes...y-says-Hello-w-


Holly crap, if that was Australia, Cops would have impounded my car by now :P and many defect fines :P
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#163 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 03 April 2013 - 05:24 AM

View PostBenignDesign, on 26 March 2013 - 02:15 PM, said:

I have to give FB credit.


I don't. Without FB, I'd still be blissfully unaware of what my mother looks like in stockings and suspenders.
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#164 torind_2000  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 05 April 2013 - 09:27 AM

Here's a local story from my area. Still makes me chuckle.


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#165 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 05 April 2013 - 09:29 AM

Breaking news - restaurants can be noisy... 40 man (getting older) finds he doesn't like noisy places.

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Restaurant noise levels are becoming a more common complaint from diners in Omaha and around the country. Yelp, an online dining site, now lets users rate restaurants on acoustics. At OpenTable, an online reservation service, diners can say whether a restaurant is quiet, moderate or “energetic.” National restaurant critics are factoring noise levels into their reviews.
...
Omahan Scott Benedict said as he gets older — he's in his 40s — he doesn't appreciate noisy restaurants as much. When he was younger, he said, he'd often go to restaurants where he had to shout at his friends. Now he doesn't like that.


http://www.omaha.com...uting-at-dinner
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