Local Yokels

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236 Replies - 24036 Views - Last Post: 17 April 2014 - 07:07 PM

#31 rgfirefly24  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 27 September 2012 - 06:58 AM

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That reminds me of the Cop who worked for the village my wife grew up in. He had an expired license in Wisconsin, and also a suspended license in Iowa. No one knew for 9 years, and probably wouldn't have known still if he hadn't done an illegal U-Turn and got into a car accident. Now the village has to pay back all of the money they received in issued tickets for the 9 years he was employed.
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#32 h4nnib4l  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 27 September 2012 - 08:40 AM

So what everyone is saying is that I had a more thorough background check for my concealed carry permit than these cops are getting? That's neat...
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#33 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 27 September 2012 - 09:56 AM

What was really amusing was that the Chief wasn't armed as he owed money in back child support.
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#34 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 27 September 2012 - 10:04 AM

From the number one or two local news source:

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Fans of IKEA will soon have another option closer to the Omaha metro.

The Swedish furniture store plans to open a store in the Kansas City area.

According to the Kansas City Business Journal, the store will be built in Merriam, Kansas, in the fall of 2014 in the vacant Merriam Village shopping center at Interstate 35 and Johnson Drive.

cite


Yes.. that's right.. we are reporting locally we will have an Ikea in the local area in two years. By local I mean 195 miles away or 3 hours 14 minutes (one way) per google maps.
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#35 Choscura  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 27 September 2012 - 11:46 AM

Snip

They've just caught an apparently badass serial killer. The story as I understand it goes like this: A construction worker digging something (I haven't seen what specified) on the very large, secluded, and mostly-undeveloped (although I understand several sections had apartments and warehouses and so on, which he rented out) estate of a wealthy doctor came across two human skeletons with bound wrists and gunshot wounds to the head. The police arrive: the doctor admits fault, says that they are the bodies of a married couple he made a mistake treating in 2009, who were dying and knew it and intended to prosecute him for medical malpractice: He says he panicked and killed them.

Then they find another body. He says it's his (missing) mother; there was a clip of her saying something apparently bad about him shown that I didn't understand, with her in a hospital bed, and it could be that he was drugging her in order to have control over her assets (which I think was mentioned, but again, am not clear on).

Then they test the skeletons; not one of them is who he says they are, and so the body count doubles and the search broadens, and they've been finding a body every several hours on average, according to the TV news here. The conclusion that's being drawn is that these are mainly the bodies of slaves that he kept, and this is what he is being charged with, as the bodies so far are nearly all Burmese nationals (I haven't seen any tribes specified, so no input there), and when they were sick and not useful and unable to work, he shot them in the head and buried them.

Fucking hell.
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#36 Nykc  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 10:14 AM

This week in stupid... Cop sees moon, radios for backup. http://screen.yahoo....p-30721501.html

This post has been edited by Nykc: 28 September 2012 - 11:35 AM

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#37 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 10:20 AM

Um... the Michael Stipe quote at the end of the article is incredibly inaccurate. Was it meant as a joke or is it another example of meticulously researched journalism at its finest?
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#38 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 11:11 AM

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Stupid.. it burns.

I am puttering around near the reference book section of the B&N when I hear this exchange.

Daughter: You need a book of words that are the same as other words. A book of cinnamon.
Mom: Ah.. okay... this?
Daughter: No that's a dictionary you need a book of cinnamon they should have it!

I decided to step in here.

Me: Excuse me I think you need a thesaurus. Here, it's on the top shelf. I'll get you one.
Daughter: Ah, no that is not what we need. That is not a book of cinnamons.
Me: No, I am certain this is what you need. By the way the word you are looking for is synonym.
Daughter: Ugh! No! You don't even know cinnamon is a word that means other words!? I don't think you are helping us.

I sighed and walked off.
I hear a quiet voice on the other side of a book isle saying "That just happened".
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#39 BenignDesign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 11:15 AM

I had to read most of that story before I figured out what she meant by "cinnamons". Bless you for trying to help.
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#40 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 11:36 AM

On the plus side I had a coworker nearly choke on his soda when he was dropping some eaves as I was recanting the story to my boss. Painful stupidity nearly kills my coworker.
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#41 baavgai  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 28 September 2012 - 11:45 AM

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View Postmodi123_1, on 28 September 2012 - 02:11 PM, said:

I hear a quiet voice on the other side of a book isle saying "That just happened".


Awesome!

To offset, my last visit to B&N a few days ago, I found a small boy looking in confusion at the Tolkien display. I pointed out that The Hobbit was a good choice. It's a complete story, a single protagonist, and, well, movie in December. This kid was totally jazzed. He'd read all Harry Potter and needed a new fix. Parents were happy they didn't have to admit complete confusion over modern literature. Seems they have a bowdlerized version of the Hobbit for younger readers. I hope he got the real one. It made me stupid happy to see that kids still read.
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#42 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 01 October 2012 - 07:57 AM

View Postbaavgai, on 28 September 2012 - 07:45 PM, said:

To offset, my last visit to B&N a few days ago, I found a small boy looking in confusion at the Tolkien display. I pointed out that The Hobbit was a good choice. It's a complete story, a single protagonist, and, well, movie in December. This kid was totally jazzed. He'd read all Harry Potter and needed a new fix. Parents were happy they didn't have to admit complete confusion over modern literature. Seems they have a bowdlerized version of the Hobbit for younger readers. I hope he got the real one. It made me stupid happy to see that kids still read.


I know what you mean. I was overjoyed to see armies of kids descending onto bookstores to buy the latest Harry Potter book because until Harry came along, kids just weren't reading any more.

Then to top off her success, the first thing JK Rowling did was turn them into movies... I was most unimpressed.

Back on topic... I'm jealous. We don't have comically insane local yokels. All ours are criminally insane, so don't make for funny reading. So, sorry, I don't think I can contribute much to the discussion :(
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#43 baavgai  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 01 October 2012 - 08:49 AM

I've been to pubs in the UK. I don't think you're looking hard enough.
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#44 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 01 October 2012 - 08:58 AM

In pubs, yes, but they don't often make the news, so I can't link news articles like everyone else has.
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#45 modi123_1  Icon User is offline

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Re: Local Yokels

Posted 02 October 2012 - 11:24 AM

Lettuce watch this one closely as the courts get to the meat of the situation. While I don't relish domestic assault I think we can all mustard a quiet laugh over this.

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A western Nebraska man is accused of assaulting his wife with a sandwich.

The Scottsbluff Star-Herald says 50-year-old Larry Spurling, of Melbeta, is charged with disturbing the peace. According to the arrest affidavit, Spurling's wife called 911 late Sunday and reported he pushed her down during an argument and rubbed a sandwich in her face.

The newspaper says court documents don't detail the ingredients, but a deputy found several pieces of lunchmeat on the carpet outside a bedroom and some pieces of bread in the bedroom.
cite

--- edit--

one more..

A special time in a young lad's life, nepotism, "family connections", a creepy back parking lot of a bank.. man.. this hallmarks of going a totally different direction.


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When Sam Avery asked Maria Flores to the homecoming dance at North High School in Sioux City, he knew teddy bears, roses and balloons wouldn't do. Instead, he put her face on a giant invitation posted on a downtown billboard.

“I was definitely almost crying and my knees were all weak and stuff,” Flores said as she recalled her reaction to seeing the billboard for the first time.
...
Avery and Flores, both seniors at North High, first met in the eighth grade. She moved to Texas two years ago and returned to Sioux City this summer.
...
Avery said he had thought about asking a girl to a dance via a billboard for some time. His father, Noel Avery, owns Avery Brothers Sign Co.
...For a paying customer, Noel Avery estimated the cost of production and rent for a similar billboard at about $1,000. His son didn't have to shell out a dime, thanks to his family connections.
...
The billboard is in the back parking lot of a bank, and keeping it secret was a challenge.

Three weeks ago, Sam Avery asked Flores to go the bank with him to cash a check. They parked in the back parking lot, and when she got out of the car, Avery covered her eyes with his hands and led her to the billboard.
cite

Spoiler

This post has been edited by modi123_1: 02 October 2012 - 11:44 AM

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