3 Replies - 8831 Views - Last Post: 26 November 2012 - 03:27 AM

#1 Devl0n  Icon User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 0
  • View blog
  • Posts: 6
  • Joined: 24-November 12

Some good programming....

Posted 25 November 2012 - 04:16 AM

We all after our work get exhausted or when your boss...SO by reading this jokes refresh yourself and have a good moment(all jokes are taken from Google)

Jokes:

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

Why computers are like men:

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers are like women:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There’s always one more bug.
Shaw’s Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Woltman’s Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
Gallois’ Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it

Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There’s always one more bug.
Shaw’s Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Woltman’s Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
Gallois’ Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

I was helping a friend with some code. In the code, I found the line:

x = x
;

and removed it. I made some further changes and send the code back to him. He told me he still had errors. So he sent me his code again, and again I found the same line. I asked him why he kept putting that in there, and he replied, "So x doesn't lose its value."

An int, a char and a string walk into a bar and order some drinks. A short while later, the int and char start hitting on the waitress who gets very uncomfortable and walks away. The string walks up to the waitress and says “You’ll have to forgive them, they’re primitive types.”


Replies To: Some good programming....

#2 modi123_1  Icon User is online

  • Suitor #2
  • member icon



Reputation: 9086
  • View blog
  • Posts: 34,133
  • Joined: 12-June 08

Re: Some good programming....

Posted 25 November 2012 - 10:04 AM

Moving to the games and jokes forum.

#3 Devl0n  Icon User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 0
  • View blog
  • Posts: 6
  • Joined: 24-November 12

Re: Some good programming....

Posted 25 November 2012 - 07:13 PM

Sir,Do you like them

#4 Vompaudi  Icon User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 2
  • View blog
  • Posts: 43
  • Joined: 23-November 12

Re: Some good programming....

Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:27 AM

Everything started several years ago. I stayed in a distance from them. But they found me, maybe they saw I was easy and lonely victim. Then I started to try HTML.

HTML was awesome experience. I felt I was equal with the whole world. First time was with my new friends, they borrowed equipment for me, I interested about it immediately. I was able to stay awake the whole night with power of HTML. I started to explore HTML features, and so I found some derivatives. XHTML gave more confident experience, and XML took totally lights out. This was not enough, and accidentally I cutted in SGML. My friends warned, that soon it would not be any funny. That I could not stop.

My family members phoned me, but I did not tell anything to them. I did not want to worry them. At one night I got email from some professional user. Told, he had some stuff, I would like very much. We agreed to meet, and that night I learned PHP's joys. But it gave me notable side effects. I had to use FTP, that I could get some sleep. FTP was expensive, but it moved the PHP's impact on and I got a moment to rest.

Old friends doings did not interest me at all anymore. With my new friend we mixed PHP and HTML. Sometimes tried little bit ASP things. On mornings had to take one or two FTP to prevent becaming totally crazy. Then my new friend demanded me to create SQL and C++ for him. In return I could PHP. I would get paid for it, so I could not refuse. It was guessed that I would start to try them to my own needs. I was able to keep so many different compounds in complete control.
I could stop at any time if I wanted to.

One afternoon I woke up to that at the door were some people who claimed that I had not paid my FTP bills. I was quite weak in the previous night's C++ sessions, and I did not dare say anything to them. They swept away all my SQL tools. They said to come back if I wont take care of paying bills. Soon my friend noticed that I hadn't brought any products to him. He suspected that I kept everything myself. I gave him all the SQL's and PHP's what I had in stock. I said I was not going to be with him any longer together. I wanted to get rid of the whole thing.

After that, I moved back to the home. I was so lost because I did not have any to do. Secretly I used SSH so I could get a bit of confidence and safety feeling. One evening I found some Java from my little brother's room. At first I thought to tell parents, but I could not resist the temptation. That was totally different than anything earlier experiment. First I was totally lost with it, but I found some good tips for using from internet. It was so universal! My reality was lost, and I don't know anymore how long it took effect. I didn't eat or went to outdoors.

I felt horrible. Eyes and wrists were sore. Biggest mess was inside my head. C++ was rooted in my head so hard that with Java didn't go well. I did not know which effects came from Java and which from C++, when mixed they did not work well. Eventually, I mixed and took everything I had.

The nurses told me that I should stay away now about everything, not even two rows of SSH should be planned. My family is still paying my FTP debts. I'm trying to get back some old friends and talk with them about ordinary things. If the story turns to HTML, I need to leave the party. It would be so nice to type some code again.

- Former junkie.

//This story is originally written in Finnish. So translation is poor.

Page 1 of 1