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#1 diebythesword76  Icon User is offline

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SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 04:21 PM

Hi everybody

I am just writing this because, in one way or another, someday could happen to you as well. I never think this was going to be like this when I was a kid, 20 years ago, when I started doing this.

I am just sick of it all. I feel empty and no damn god can fill it. I am missing my 1995-1997 period when I as 20 years old, I miss the feeling of having the "whole life ahead of me"...

Now the whole life is on my hands and can't take it any longer in many aspects. Why would you care, isn't it? Being colleagues in the IT field I bet this sad story can touch you someday, somehow. I work nearly 15 days of the month to just cover 3 bills, rent, social security and electricity. I have a small one-man-based company. This way expensive this damn country where I live became. And we can't do anything to solve this, because it's politics and we are just coders. IT may apply to the country you live as well.

It makes me sick because my work is SO bloody HARD, so detailed, so perfectionist that one can't make it as if it was a machine that generated that code by itself just by the push of a button. I need hard thinking, planning, notes here and there, documenting, and other unexplainable things, all of that on top of marketing side of the company, managing other projects, along with pursuing customers on the email to pay me, paypal fees, waiting for paypal ... and basically "WAITING" .Waiting for things to just go their way, with just a little participation from my end to force them to happen. All we do is waiting and survive our days, with the "hope" to just get a better time, some time, some day. But will it ever comes or you die waiting?

Now, do I want to do this what I do for the next 20 years? Of course not. I wasn't born for this, I have big talents and I have to exploit them. I can't be sitting 15 days on a chair to pay bills, and sit the other 15 days to pay other bills to come up with nearly empty pocket by the end of the month just "because my country became as expensive as it can be and/or because this damn work is not as well paid as it should be". I am sick of playing the victim role. I want to break free from this. I want to sit under a tree at 3pm and read books.

I want to spend my month creating new things for the world, in IT, in music, in whatever I want, in drawing. Basically inventing things, because that's what I am and always was since I was a kid: a creative. I can't be anything else. I Want so spend a whole month creating a new file format and selling it to a big company. I want to spend the whole month creating a new software and selling it to a big corporation and having them worry about all the related business issue of that "creation", which they seem to love and I seem to hate.

It's too complex to explain in a post, I just need to recall my life back. I need to travel in time back to 1995. This became so serious that I am building since yesterday a PC in the room that will run DOS and Turbo Pascal 7, just to sit there for a while during some time and create games again just to remember how it was when I was a kid when I actually created them for the love of doing it.

And this is vital: to sit there just to code because the hell I want to, not because I have to please somebody else and get a dollar for it, doing software I couldn't care the less doing it. It's promiscuous, can't take it anymore.


Waiting for your comments.

Diego

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Replies To: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

#2 rusoaica  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 04:40 PM

Oh, Diego, you've really touched a sensible spot. I do feel some of the "clouds" that darken your sky, too. But, when in doubt and soul misery, do you know what i do? I think of all the people that don't have a house, as i do. I think of all the people that don't have a hot meal, as i have. I think of the people that don't have at least that small job of working 15 days a month to pay the bill for warming a house in the middle of the winter. And so on, and so on. I could go on forever.
Of course you're not happy with things. But i can assure you, if you live your life up to these standards and you measure your happiness by them, you will never get a "good" life, nor will you ever be "happy". Why? Because this is human nature! We are never satisfied with what we have, no matter how MUCh we have. We always crave for more. And when we have that "more", we want some other "more" that we can't get.

So, why do you think of that part of your life that felt like "having your whole life in front of you"? Why don't you MAKE your life to be all in front of you? Life can start even at 30's, 40's, it's not just tied up to 20's. You want to write that extension that will sell big bucks? DO it! Want to create that perfect software that big companies will buy? CREATE it! who is stopping you?

Always see the filled half of the glass, not the empty one. And remember: be happy for what you have! It might have been worse.
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#3 diebythesword76  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 04:58 PM

You have reason at every word. Thanks for being sensitive, I am not going through the best moment of my life, the least I need is rudeness. You tell me what stops me? Well, simply lack of time. I started writing a philosophy book nearly 4 years ago, it's not yet finished. It should happen in 1 year, you see, it's delayed by more than 3. Guess the reasons dear...

This post has been edited by diebythesword76: 18 October 2014 - 05:01 PM

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#4 rusoaica  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 05:11 PM

I'm never rude to someone, unless they are rude to me first. And i know what you're going through, because i also used to feel that way. Now, i am conscious that i don't have what my heart would desire. But, at least i try to cheer myself up that i have things that other would only dream. I am happy and grateful for what i am, for what i have, for the simple fact that i still exist.
Just imagine: what would a worker with the shovel think if he would be offered to run that "one man company" of yours, and what would he feel about staying in front of the PC and write codes instead of hard labouring? Wouldn't he believe he went straight to heaven? Wouldn't he be more than satisfied with the new life?
Don't think of what you don't have; think of what you HAVE. It will make things a bit easier.
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#5 depricated  Icon User is online

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 05:58 PM

Time waits for no one. There are lots of little idioms about time I could repeat and the importance of action. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. It's clear that you're not happy coding where you are, and you'd like to be doing something else. You've taken the time to set up a computer in archaic mode so could you recreate Hunt the Wumpus, but what about looking at just shifting your career?

I'm guessing you're not from the US, simply because you say things like "my country became as expensive as it can be." I don't mean that in a bad way, I just want to be sure I understand where you're coming from. I know that what I'm about to say is something easier said than done, and in some ways much easier in the US than elsewhere.

Have you looked for a new job? It sounds like you're in a requirement hell and have been trapped there for some time. There are plenty of great places you could apply to that would love the experience you have and the desire you have to do something new. Is relocation to another country out of the question, if such an opportunity presented itself?

I think it's important to enjoy what you do and be happy with it. I took the lowest paying offer when I took my job, but the company is the best of the bunch, and I couldn't be happier. One thing I'm discovering now about my job is the flexibility we have to create new things in the application we build. Probably just like you have to deal with we have to get new sections approved, and we have to adhere to specific standards, but by and large we can say, "I think this would be a great addition" and take the time to draft up a demo and present it. We can use any technology we want in that, as long as it's within reason.

I think revisiting the past can be great. But don't mourn the passing of 95, celebrate how far we've come in 20 years. You have a limited amount of free time, from the sound of it. Perhaps instead of building a computer intentionally 20 years behind the times, you could devise a plan of action to get you into a new job where you'd be free to do what makes you happy.
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#6 NeoTifa  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 09:42 PM

I wished I could pay bills only working 15 days a month.
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#7 Martyr2  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 18 October 2014 - 10:03 PM

Why be a one man company? Why not apply to another company, one that has resources to help you grow and work on projects that you enjoy? I think many of us programmers here can relate to the idea of wanting to be the one who comes up with the next Google or Facebook type idea and retire on our projects but that is only wishful thinking if you don't do anything about it. Do a little work each night on your idea as you work at a company by day. Don't focus on the large idea, just take each day at a time and build your project bit by bit.

I know that it is tough to just change careers sometimes but you can't let it wear you down mentally and physically. Just recognize you are in a bad job situation and see if you can change gears. Apply for some jobs, take a few sick days to go interview and if you find a perfect fit, then you can simply change jobs without a break in the pay flow.

Oh and when things seem overwhelming, take a break and step away for awhile. Relax and go for a walk. You would be surprised how much a 15 min break can do for you.

:)
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#8 NeoTifa  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 19 October 2014 - 06:41 AM

I wished I had a programming job. IBM p l z.

((edit: since when is p l z sans spaces autocorrected to please? this kills the joke))

This post has been edited by NeoTifa: 19 October 2014 - 08:29 AM

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#9 ccubed  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 19 October 2014 - 06:42 AM

Maybe instead of blaming the industry, you could look at where and how you live for savings? Or perhaps you're not charging a competitive rate compared to other people in the same industry so you're losing money?
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#10 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 19 October 2014 - 12:50 PM

Quote

Waiting for your comments.

I.. I am not certain what you want to get a comment about. Nothing seems to indicate a question, but a series of livejournal-esque commentary that would point to a personal existential crisis.. or just a midlife crisis in general. I'll try my best.

Quote

All we do is waiting and survive our days, with the "hope" to just get a better time, some time, some day. But will it ever comes or you die waiting?

Perhaps stop being an independent developer, and joint a company, the government, or hitch into some international group. If you don't like the business side of programming then let someone else do it and get your paycheck. Free up your time to do what you want. I wouldn't knock the fact you are able to pay your bills with fifteen days of work. Some can't.

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I have big talents and I have to exploit them.

Such as?


Quote

I want to sit under a tree at 3pm and read books.

I am not certain how this exploits your big talents either, but I do not know enough about you predilection to trees.


Quote

I Want so spend a whole month creating a new file format and selling it to a big company. I want to spend the whole month creating a new software and selling it to a big corporation and having them worry about all the related business issue of that "creation", which they seem to love and I seem to hate.

Again - perhaps get a corporate job then.


Quote

This became so serious that I am building since yesterday a PC in the room that will run DOS and Turbo Pascal 7, just to sit there for a while during some time and create games again just to remember how it was when I was a kid when I actually created them for the love of doing it.

Just say'n, you could also just have made a VM.


Quote

It's too complex to explain in a post, I just need to recall my life back. I need to travel in time back to 1995.

Not to pull up Uncle Rico's time machine, but don't forget the crystals.

Posted Image

I jest, but honestly it all sounds like a midlife crisis. If your current situation is not doing it for you then look to change it. If you have problems finishing personal tasks then break them down in to smaller, more manageable chunks, and slot them for an hour here or an hour there. It blows being an adult with adult responsibilities, but is the way it is. Unless you have a money tree or get mad stacks of cash from helping a Nigerian prince transfer money out you undoubtedly will have all the time in the world like when you were younger. You need to reassess and make a new strategy.
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#11 rusoaica  Icon User is offline

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted 19 October 2014 - 12:57 PM

View Postmodi123_1, on 19 October 2014 - 10:50 PM, said:

Quote

I want to sit under a tree at 3pm and read books.

I am not certain how this exploits your big talents either, but I do not know enough about you predilection to trees.


modi123_1, i think he was just referring to the fact that he would want to have some free time to relax and do things he enjoy from time to time, not just being forced to work day-night.
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#12 BenignDesign  Icon User is online

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted Yesterday, 06:20 AM

I'm just excited that there's an existential coder quandary and it's not mine!
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#13 modi123_1  Icon User is online

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Re: SICK OF THE COMMERCIAL SIDE OF CODING

Posted Yesterday, 06:47 AM

Not everyone is lucky to have a guardian beast to spar off these questions.

Spoiler

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