Your Music Sucks.

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26 Replies - 959 Views - Last Post: 19 July 2002 - 02:40 PM

#1 The Neoracle  Icon User is offline

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Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 09:00 AM

Accounting for Taste
by Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg

Some people think that music preference is just a matter of personal taste, that the music you listen to is no better than the music anyone else listens to. That's just stupid. If their music is just as good as your music, why aren't you listening to it, instead? Clearly, your music is better, because you like good music.

But how to convince those around you that their preference in music is misguided and wrong? It's clearly not enough to point out that your music is good and theirs is bad; if they wanted to listen to good music, they'd already be listening to yours. Clearly, stronger measures are in order. Luckily we at the Brunching Shuttlecocks are here to provide you with a quick course in how to demolish the musical taste of others.

The first and most important step is to determine whether your adversary's music is more popular, or less popular, than your own. From there, simply use the following guidelines:

Their Music is Less Popular

People who like less popular music than you are just trying to impress their friends and peers, as well as random strangers. Heterosexual men, in addition, are just trying to get into the pants of aesthetically-misguided women. The important thing here is that they don't actually like the music, no matter how much they protest otherwise. Their so-called musical "taste" is merely an exercise in self-conscious pretension.

Their Music is More Popular

People who listen to pop music (where "pop music" is relative to your own tastes) are brainwashed by the music industry. They listen to their music only because they are told to by masses of suit- wearing advertisers and the mainstream (where "mainstream" is relative to your own tastes) music critics they hold in their custom-tailored pockets. End listeners are merely a money-delivery device for their corporate overlords, like an ATM that buys concert T-shirts. The listeners do not actually enjoy the music they listen to; they merely think they're enjoying it because they're too weak- minded to form their own opinions.

Difficult Cases

You may run into trouble when dealing with someone who listens to music that's approximately as popular as yours. Which are they, you may ask, brainwashed or pretentious? Happily, the answer is "both." You can use either argument effectively, or combine them into a truly devastating tsunami of rhetoric.

Finally, some people listen to music that is enormously popular, but largely ignored outside of a particular market. These include country-western music, Spanish-language music, and Christian contemporary. You may be able to get by with a dismissive exhalation when the subject comes up, because fans of this music are often, oddly enough, more interested in listening to it than arguing its validity, but when in doubt you can always assume that these people simply don't know any better.

Summary (In Clip-And-Save Format)

quote:

* People who like less popular music than yours are pretentious poseurs.
* People who like more popular music than yours are brainwashed marketing slaves.
* People who like music different from yours, but similarly popular, are pretentious brainwashed marketing-slave poseurs.
* When in doubt, people who like music other than yours just don't know any better.
* If you like Andrew WK, you are a fag.

With any luck, an ignorant world will soon be forced to recognize the truth and purity of your musical tastes. Good hunting!

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Replies To: Your Music Sucks.

#2 Fygar  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 09:46 AM

Thanks Neo, I couldn't break your mis-guided ways to all of you without the help of this article...
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#3 JainDough  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 11:17 AM

haha! that is the best article ever. EVER. B)
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#4 jaredigital  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 04:43 PM

i knew it! you are all pretentious poseurs.
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#5 IndieGuru  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 09:35 PM

I've never read anything so good in my life. I'm saving this for a speech. Thank you so much Neo!
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#6 skrilla  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 09:54 PM

B) thx for the enlightening. I knew i was right, but now i can prove it :P weezer is better than anyone...weezer is better than anyone...
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#7 JainDough  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 18 July 2002 - 10:15 PM

hey there, those are some heavy words skrilla. i like weezer too but they aren't the best.

i think you're just a slave to trends, brainwashed by the fat cats in the music industry who say that sort of music is cool right now B)
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#8 Cookie Mobster  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 06:27 AM

Awe don't be a pretentious brainwashed marketing-slave poseur Jain ;)

Funny stuff man... Nice find Neo, I have decided to base my whole musicaly opinion around this knowledge! :)

Cheers Sam
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#9 Fygar  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 06:32 AM

Come on people, 80's metal is the only way....
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#10 Cookie Mobster  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 06:42 AM

Fygar, on Jul 19 2002, 06:32 AM, said:

Come on people, 80's metal is the only way....

Nah you just don't know any better!

Cheers Moe
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#11 JainDough  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 06:50 AM

no, 80's metal really is the only way to go. B)













(woohoo Andrew wk is next week sucka's!!!)
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#12 The Neoracle  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 08:07 AM

JainDough, on Jul 19 2002, 10:50 AM, said:

no, 80's metal really is the only way to go. B)













(woohoo Andrew wk is next week sucka's!!!)

fag.
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#13 Wolfblade  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 08:12 AM

we all know that techno is the best (coughs "john digweed") and it always will be
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#14 Fygar  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 09:20 AM

The Neoracle, on Jul 19 2002, 10:07 AM, said:

JainDough, on Jul 19 2002, 10:50 AM, said:

no, 80's metal really is the only way to go. B)













(woohoo Andrew wk is next week sucka's!!!)

fag.

haha, I'm kidding... I'm more a fan of hardcore-metal-emo... depends...

Dead Poetic sums it up.
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#15 JainDough  Icon User is offline

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Re: Your Music Sucks.

Posted 19 July 2002 - 09:45 AM

haha 'hardcore-metal-emo', boy does that bring back memories.

but are you really hardcore?

check it bro, makes me laugh every time :)

"After anyone from the opposite sex talks to you at a show, you immediately run home, take out your hidden stash of emo cds and write about the experience on your blogger."

Everytime you laugh about STRIFE no longer being straight-edge, you're actually crying on the inside.

these are my favorites B)
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