Joke of the day.....

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274 Replies - 10264 Views - Last Post: 22 April 2009 - 01:15 PM

#1 PsychoCoder  Icon User is offline

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Joke of the day.....

Posted 17 September 2008 - 01:53 PM

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask, 'are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your Upper body and feet. He struggles to ask again,

'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he Might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment And pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, She takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine'.

The man slowly pulls off his Oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very very closely,

Are - my - test - results - back?


Replies To: Joke of the day.....

#2 skyhawk133  Icon User is online

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 17 September 2008 - 02:08 PM

Moved to the "Games/Fun/Trivia/Jokes" forum.

#3 KYA  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 17 September 2008 - 02:08 PM

LMFAO, I needed that today, thanks :^:

#4 no2pencil  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 17 September 2008 - 02:15 PM

Keeping with the Hospital theme :

A man whom was involved in a horrific car crash awakens lying in his hospital bed. While unconscious. he had apparently had a bowl movement. Completely embarrassed by this, he began to panic & his only option quickly became the window. So he began to ball up the mess of sheets & threw them out the window!

After throwing them out the window they landed on a drunken bum below. The bum, now covered in this blanket & fecal matter, began throwing his arms around yelling, screaming, & stumbling. Hospital security quickly ran to see what all the excitement was about. They run up to the bum, whom now is completely covered in filth & the blanket at his feet, & begin to question him. "Sir sir, what seems to be the problem here!?" The bum replies "I ... I'm not sure, but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!".

#5 Dilerious  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 17 September 2008 - 03:59 PM

Moving more to the IT related...


Life before computers...
Memory was something lost with age.
An application was for employment.
A programme was a show on TV.
A cursor was someone who swore alot.
A keyboard was a piano.
A web was a spider's home.
A virus was the flu.
A hard drive was a long trip down the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And if you had a three-inch floppy?
You just hoped nobody found out.

#6 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 19 September 2008 - 04:30 AM

And moving swiflty away from IT again...

Ye gotta love the Irish.

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father".
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll
light a candle for ye and yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

#7 javin  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 28 September 2008 - 12:21 AM

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

#8 Bort  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 01 October 2008 - 08:45 AM

One morning, an old lady goes to the grocery store to buy cat food for her little cat. She looks around and picks the most expensive kind of cat food. As she approaches the cashier, she tells her, "Nothing but the best for my little kitty." The clerk tells the old lady that she can't sell her the cat food because a lot of old people buy cat food to eat it. She then tells the old lady that she needs proof that she has a cat. So the old lady goes home, takes her cat, and drags it to the store. Once the clerk sees that the old lady actually has a cat, she sells her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady goes to the grocery store again this time to buy dog food. She looks around and picks the most expensive kind of dog food. As she approaches the cashier, she tells her, "Nothing but the best for my little puppy." The clerk tells the old lady that she can't sell her the dog food because a lot of old people buy dog food to eat it. She then tells the old lady that she needs proof that she has a dog. So the old lady, who is now very frustrated, goes home, takes her dog, and drags it to the store. Once the clerk sees that the old lady actually has a dog, she sells her the dog food.

The next day the old lady goes back to the grocery store with a jar in her hands. The jar is covered with old newspapers and it has a little hole at the top. The old lady goes directly to the clerk and politely asks the clerk to stick her finger in. The clerk immediately refuses because she is afraid that the old lady has a snake inside. The old lady assures the clerk that there is nothing in the jar that will bite her. So the clerk sticks her finger inside the jar and feels around. She tells the old lady that whatever is inside, is very soft and mushy. The old lady now tells the clerk to take her finger out, and smell it. The clerk does what she is told. As soon as she begins to smell her finger, she starts to yell. She told the old lady that the jar is full of crap and her finger smells like shit. The old lady, with a smile from one ear to the other, tells the clerk, "Very well. Now Do you think I can buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

#9 engale  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 01 October 2008 - 10:22 AM

Well done Bort.

#10 KYA  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 01 October 2008 - 01:54 PM

Hilarious

#11 NeoTifa  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 02 October 2008 - 03:55 PM

so i heard this one on the radio :)

a kindergarden teacher asks all the kids what their dads do for a living. she got the normal answers, like fireman, police occifer, and salesman and such. but little johnny was really quiet in the corner. seeing this, the teacher said "johnny, you havent said what your dad does for a living. arent you gonna share?" johnny responds hesitently "well, my dads an exotic dancer in a gay caboret, and if the offer's good enough he'll follow them out into the alley."

being startled by this response, the teacher tells all the kids to busy themselves with painting, and she pulls johnny out into the hallway. she asks him if this was true, and he said "well, no. hes actually a speach writer for palin, but i was too embarassed to say it in front of the class".

#12 PsychoCoder  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 03 October 2008 - 09:15 AM

14 reasons why dogs are better than wives:
  • The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
  • Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
  • Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  • A dog's parents never visit.
  • Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  • You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
  • Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
  • Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
  • A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
  • If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
  • A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
  • If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
  • Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
  • If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.


#13 gabehabe  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 03 October 2008 - 09:40 AM

LMAO!

#14 engale  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 03 October 2008 - 09:53 AM

lmoa

#15 gabehabe  Icon User is offline

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Re: Joke of the day.....

Posted 03 October 2008 - 11:12 AM

View Postengale, on 3 Oct, 2008 - 05:53 PM, said:

lmoa

Definition: Laughing my off arse.

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