Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

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39 Replies - 2879 Views - Last Post: 14 October 2004 - 12:27 PM

#1 Potter  Icon User is offline

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Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 30 September 2004 - 06:47 PM

Dr. Laura Schlessinger recently said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as a many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6. Eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10. Is it a lesser abomination than homosexuality? I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan






I love smart people. Even if they only pretend to be smart.

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#2 supersloth  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 30 September 2004 - 07:14 PM

http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/
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#3 geeKISSexy  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 30 September 2004 - 08:29 PM

ha thats great. This is probably what god would say (do) to the person writing the letter

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#4 pioSko  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 01 October 2004 - 02:03 AM

geeKISSexy, on Oct 1 2004, 05:29 AM, said:

ha thats great. This is probably what god would say (do) to the person writing the letter

WINNER!!
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#5 Fygar  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 01 October 2004 - 08:57 AM

Here, I found your problem:

Quote

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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#6 Ben Goulbourn  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 01 October 2004 - 06:22 PM

Quote

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?


bahahahaha
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#7 Potter  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 02 October 2004 - 09:01 AM

I read that line and I thought of you, Ben.
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#8 Acid Reign  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 03 October 2004 - 09:21 PM

:!:
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#9 geeKISSexy  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 08:11 AM

Potter, on Sep 30 2004, 06:47 PM, said:

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

yea about 150$ or more? or maby a 1000 :pirate:
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#10 skyhawk133  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 08:11 AM

Depends really... got a picture?
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#11 geeKISSexy  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 08:14 AM

...

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This post has been edited by geeKISSexy: 08 October 2004 - 08:16 AM

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#12 geeKISSexy  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 08:15 AM

isnt she beautiful
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#13 supersloth  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 08:21 AM

i'd buy that for a dollar.




then i would make it fight in daughter-fights (similar to cock-fights and bum-fights)
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#14 skyhawk133  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 11:56 AM

I saw a bum fight in houston...
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#15 supersloth  Icon User is offline

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Re: Man Finds Backing For Homosexuality

Posted 08 October 2004 - 12:47 PM

before or after you engaged in 24 hours of man-sex?
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