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All the fury of hell, conveniently packed into one tidy, little weekend

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Saturday was my birthday. I turned a whopping 33. Let us observe a moment of silence in solemn remembrance of my lost youth.

Saturday was also my kids' big AYSO season opener soccer tournament. Their father was there, too. Which means I got to experience the euphoric joy of spending five solid hours of family time with the man I loathe above all others: the ex. It was 40F outside that morning. He brought the girls in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops. He didn't bring their jackets. He didn't bring their uniforms. He didn't bring their cleats. Have you ever tried to play soccer in flip-flops? On top of this, it rained. A lot. All day. Nothing like being dressed inappropriately in cold weather AND soaked to the bone. For five hours.

Sunday was Mother's Day. And my dogs tried to kill each other. Literally.

My black lab was lying on the floor chewing her Nylabone when my German shepherd decided to take it from her. The lab lunged forward and the gnashing of teeth began. Normally, during their little skuffles, waving a shoe in the air with the threat of an ass-whopping is enough to get them to retreat to seperate corners and go about their business. Last night, I beat them mercilessly with the shoe. I thwapped them several times with a broom. And it did nothing to quell the growling, slobbery mass of angry fur before me. When my black lab latched onto the shepherd's throat, I threw myself on top of her thinking if I could get her to the ground, I could break up the fight. She released the shepherd's now bleeding neck and starting scratching and nipping me to let her go.

As I pulled myself up, she lunged again, this time snagging the shepherd's ear and ripping it back and forth like a squeaky chew toy. I yelled for one of the kids to open the back door and managed to wrestle the dogs to the entry way. I had them both my the collar, both pulled up on hind legs, hoping the choke collar sensation would help. It didn't. The lab lunged at the shepherd again. This time, she missed and bit my stomach, her teeth sinking into my flesh like a hot knife through butter.

She released me quickly and jumped again toward her intended target landing a death grip on the shepherd's eye. I pushed open the screen door and - using some sort of pure adrenal stength I didn't know I had - pried the lab's mouth open with my hands. I kicked her squarely in the stomach to get her out the door and onto the deck.

I pulled the door shut behind me and sat down to survey the damages. The blood was everywhere - up both my arms, all over my shirt and jeans, on the carpet and wall... and my poor shepherd's head was coated in vibrant red.

I cleaned the two of us as best I could with shaky arms and locked the bandaged shepherd in the bathroom while I brought in the lab to check her out. Aside from a small bald spot above her eye, she was totally uninjured. I made up a bed from a large box and some old blankets, gathered some food and water and showed my lab to her temporary new digs in the basement before tucking in my now terrified children and calling it a night myself.

The only question that remains is what to do with the dogs now...

11 Comments On This Entry

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09 May 2011 - 07:23 AM
Doggie training required.


09 May 2011 - 07:25 AM
I've had the lab for 3 years and the shepherd for a year now... and nothing of this magnitude has ever happened before.


09 May 2011 - 08:08 AM
Are they both snip snipped? Made a world of difference with both my dog and my neighbors dog. They still hate each other, but they no longer go for the kill.


09 May 2011 - 09:41 AM
Good luck with the ex and the dogs. There're pretty much the same thing. May i ask why did you guys break up?


09 May 2011 - 09:50 AM
Apparently, the grass was greener in someone else's bed.


09 May 2011 - 10:21 AM
@Adkins - both are female. The shepherd is spade. The lab is not. You're not the first person today to tell me this could easily be the problem. I just don't know why it would have taken a full year for the issue to manifest.


09 May 2011 - 04:01 PM
Hopes everything works out for the better. I hate to see a programmer go through this kind of stuff. You will find someone better than him :)


09 May 2011 - 04:32 PM
Thanks for the vote of confidence. He's been "the ex" for almost 9 years now. I've reached a point where I'm old and grizzled enough to no longer care to find "someone else". :)


09 May 2011 - 04:34 PM
I thought it was because you had me. :)


10 May 2011 - 01:15 PM
1) Take the dog to the vet. I hope she is ok.

2) If you are/were bleeding take yourself to the doctor. I don't want to worry you by suggesting rabbies but puncture wounds are bad and I don't know how clean a dogs mouth is(e.g. risk of infection). If its/was at all serious you should have it looked at.

3) I can't really give any advice on the ex.


10 May 2011 - 01:20 PM
Both dogs are up-to-date on rabies vaccines... and neither dog is attacking anything and/or anyone else... only each other. I'm not worried about rabies.

My bite wasn't life-threatening, just painful and ugly.

I hope the dogs are okay, too. They're my hairy babies. :cry2:

There is no advice that can be given for the ex. That's why he's an ex.
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