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A Tale of Two Recruiters

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I get hit up on LinkedIn on a weekly basis. Are you interested in coming to work for us kind of thing. I'm not looking at the moment, so I tend to ignore or respond with a positive thanks, but not right now.

Earlier last week I got a wild hair and decided to respond to two I got. One was absolutely rediculous and the other quite professional. Let this public shaming of number one be a lesson to all recruiters out there. The names have been changed to protect the possibly retarded. Enjoy my commentary interspered in bold.

Recruiter 1

Initial outreach:

Title: Seeking Top Tier Engineer! //Uh we already have a red flag, playing to my vanity


Happy New Year Knowles!
I hope your year is off to a GREAT start! :) I wanted to reach out because //smiley faces in the first sentence?
I am very interested in your background, specifically with your C/C++ //ok good mentions something in my profile
experience. I'm not assuming you’re looking, but I'm working with a company //good assumption, so far so good
who is seeking a sharp, creative, forward-thinking developer such as //yeah forward thinking, must also like dogs
yourself. This would be an opportunity to work with world class developers //oh yeah, working with world class developers
on cutting edge technology, with a ton of growth opportunity and a generous //compensation package is vague, let's follow up on this later
compensation package. This is a $20 billion privately owned company, and is //company is not named, that's interesting
competing for top tier talent in the c++ space. If you're interested in //and now c++ isn't capitalized, consistency please
hearing more about this opportunity or if you know of anyone I could speak
with, please contact me at [number] or [email protected] or suggest a time
that works best for you!

I really look forward to hearing from you soon Knowles!

Alright, nothing to go on. Fine, i'll ask a followup question to see if I want to pursue this at all:



Thanks for reaching out. I'd be interested in knowing more. Based on the
vague info given, this sounds like a hedge fund development position. What //location is New York, billions of dollars, typical to staff it out
company? What are the compensation details? //deets please


Perhaps too on the nose? I make too much money to put up with this nonsense. I need a dollar figure/ballpark before I'll come chat with you.


Thanks for getting back to me Knowles! I’d love to open up a conversation //no, we're already having a conversation now
about the about the opportunity. It is not a hedge fund, but their
compensation is very generous as long as you bring you’re ‘A’ game when //hahahaha "A" game, I was going to bring my second string
you’re in the interview process J
Let me know what time(s) and number you’re available to speak freely

I really look forward to hearing from you soon!

So a few basic questions were dodged. I have no job description or dollar ballpark. It's not a hedge fund, but their compensation is generous? Ok, irrelevant, but whatever. The "J" is an uninterpreted smiley face...awesome.

Oh yes, at this point she sent an invitation to connect on LinkedIn. Haha no.



This opportunity is way too vague. Unless there are some details provided, I am no longer interested and certainly will not commit to a phone call with nothing provided beforehand. I wish you the best of luck in your talent search.


Simple and to the point. Beauty in its elegance. Polite. Company? Industry? Anything. Then I get this short novel:


Please understand, my job is to understand you (the candidate)- likes/ //ok I get this
dislikes, motivations, interests, etc. - I do this every day with everyone
I work with. The only reason I would prefer to have a conversation is
because I have about 300 open positions, on different teams within the same //300 positions within the same company and their HR department isn't handing this?
company. Each group operates differently as they’re all working on //yeah but c++ is c++, is it gui (may god have mercy on my soul) or backend? Knowles-sense says backend
different projects. They’re primarily a c++ shop, so there are definitely
more c++ roles, but now they have opened up c++/java roles. //quick throw out more buzzwords!

I’m not interested in wasting your time and definitely not my time. If you //too late
want to tell me what your top three technical skill sets are, maybe what //you came to me
you developed most recently, that will help me narrow down some job
descriptions to share with you. But we would eventually have to get on the //job description however high level now is the filter you need to provide
phone to discuss the roles and the company in more detail. //STILL NO COMPANY NAME

Maybe you can read my recommendations… I have real positions and I’m here //and here we go, please look at my profile
to help introduce to some pretty awesome opportunities. J //and another smiley face uninterpreted in the mail system. hoo boy



So after this exchange I still do not know what company this is. What company has 300 open positions and doesn't have an HR department? I'm sure this exists, but this is shady. This opportunity is so awesome I just can't know about it until I know about it! This must be a development position at fight club.

She gets defensive about how real she is. If this isn't a phish it looks like one.

Executive summary: DON'T DO THIS!

Recruiter 2

Initial outreach:

Title: Software Engineering - CoName //Holy Crap! The company name is in the title!!!!


Hi Knowles,

My name is John and I work with CoName located in CityPlace. //WOW info!
I'm contacting you to let you know that CoName has several
fully funded Software Engineering opportunities available.
If you're interested in hearing more about our company and
opportunities, or if you can recommend someone, please
don't hesitate to contact me at either number listed below
or via email at [email protected]



Short, sweet, and to the point. Major kudos after the above trainwreck. I then to proceed to ask about the projects they're on. I get an immediate description and pdfs of the actual requisition. He dodged pay as well, but I suppose that is to be expected. I wasn't interested in the slots, but I would definitely think about calling this guy in the future when I'm looking.


Don't be like recruiter number one.

3 Comments On This Entry

Page 1 of 1


03 February 2014 - 09:44 PM
I refuse to deal with recruiters who don't name the company in the opening email.


04 February 2014 - 02:48 PM
Love the post. I have had nothing but frustration with recruiters.


14 February 2014 - 09:53 AM
I always chuckle when I see shady recruiter experiences other people share. I've had nothing but positive experience with LinkedIn--A recruiter from A Big Phone Company picked me up right out of school. Granted, that is the only recruiting offer I've received. I'm glad my single experience was legit or I'd be homeless (not really) :^:
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