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HP Instant Ink

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is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever have the misfortune of coming across.

I was at my parents house and they asked me to replace the ink cartridge in their printer. Great, easy task! Open the package, not really noticing that it said HP Instant Ink. Plug it in and bam, the printer says on its little screen "Cannot use ink cartridge until the printer is enrolled in HP Instant Ink."


After a quick google I learn about the worst thing I have ever heard of. You pay a monthly subscription to this service, they send you ink and you have a set number of pages you can print a month before you are charged more. For $9.99/month you get 300 pages, but you also have ROLLOVER pages. What in the fuck. In this case 600 rollover pages. What year is this? 1995? Am I now an ATT mobile plan? Good God.

I logged into their HP account, and lo the printer is enrolled. I hate the Internet of Things. Printer on the network? Great. Wireless printing from anywhere in the house is great. Having a tiny chip in an ink cartridge that phones home? Are you shitting me?

So, I follow their typical troubleshooting, take out ink cartridges, turn off printer, replace, etc... No dice. So I open up a chat with HP support. After some back and forth on what the error message actually was and the fact that I already power cycled the printer, they wanted me to download a Java Applet they provided to let them remote into this machine. That's a no for me HP.

What diabolical person came up with ink as a service?

1 Comments On This Entry

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23 April 2019 - 08:31 PM
$10 per month for 300 pages... sure sign me up if this were color laser! For inkjet, no way in hell.

To install remote diagnostic software on my machine to debug their buggy printer no way in hell! If the printer phones home by itself, it better be phoning homing and sending diagnostic codes.
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