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Baby Names

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As none of you probably know I am going to be a father.

One our responsibilities is to name the child (paperwork). Going into this I was unaware of the complexities of naming a child. Ultimately coding conventions must be followed!

The "Rules" (as they have been explained to me):

#1 Kids are cruel -- No names that would easily get son/daughter bullied at school!
#2 Initials should not spell anything, least of all profanities (in any language). -- But the consonant-vowel-consonant pattern often flows well.
#3 No Pet's names -- So all my life I have been naming pets with names that I liked -- ALL permanently off the list for children now! WTF! Nobody warned me!
#4 No close relative names unless the relative is done with the name or almost done with it. -- "Sorry Grams, we need your name for the baby."
#5 No names of other babies (apparently anywhere in the world). -- People WILL accuse you of plagiarism, thievery etc. -- picking baby names is serious business. Pregnant women will cut you.
#6 No friends names unless you really want to honor them. -- I had my heart set on "Skyhawk" but I don't want to "honor him."
#7 No overtly "ethnic" names outside of your local ethnicity neighborhood. -- "Well that name is Russian, and you guys are what like Irish? well anyway its not very 'American' is it". God forbid we choose an Arabic name!
#8 No overt movie/book/game references! -- COME ON! I am a nerd! Maybe Bilbo violates #1 but I don't see how Orcrist could be a problem? Who is going to bully the "Goblin-cleaver"?
#9 No overtly geeky references! -- Sorry no, Pluto Isaplanet or Ten Gototen or 133t H4x0r -- though it would be fun listening his teachers try to pronounce that last one. Would Pascal really be a horrible name?

There are many "baby name" books and web-sites out there with literally millions of suggestions, each as impersonal as the last. I might as well create a program that randomly generates combination after combination (perhaps based upon some heuristic) until we find one we "like" enough to give to our progeny. Or I could scour the family tree/folklore for some yet-untried-permutation that honors our heritage.

Truth is though. We want something that is modern but not totally outlandish. Something that stirs us when we hear it. Something that speaks to our lives, our cultures, our world. We live in a very heterogeneous country, in a very heterogeneous time with global communications allowing people in far off countries to read about my baby naming frustrations. We are geeks and while it may be easy to identify our "ethnicity neighborhood" in genetic markers -- cultural markers are much harder to discern.

I am sure we will pick something loved by us and hated by our family and friends. People will talk about our horrible choices at dinner parties. Our kids will be bullied and grow up to resent us and file for emancipation as soon as they are able. But at least I will know that I did not fold under the weight of societies naming conventions!!!

18 Comments On This Entry

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30 November 2010 - 11:53 AM
Congrats on becoming a Father!
Me and my wife are also expecting, and am I also going through the craziness that is picking out a name.

Good Luck to you Sir.

Curtis Rutland 

30 November 2010 - 12:12 PM
If a boy, name him "Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--" for fun:

Posted Image


30 November 2010 - 01:35 PM
How about Ryan for a boy? :whistling:

Not so common or outlandish. It's of Irish origin and means "Little King" in Gaelic.

For a girl, what about Grace? Tegan? Leah?

Just some suggestions.

Hope this helps.


30 November 2010 - 08:33 PM
Congratulations on the anticipated parenthood. I wish you the best of luck.


30 November 2010 - 09:53 PM
Dude, congratulations! That's awesome. I got no good suggestions for you. But whatever you do, don't take a perfectly good name and fuck it up by trying to spell it some unique way just to be "different" mmmmk?


30 November 2010 - 10:03 PM
Totally awesome, Nick! Congratulations!


30 November 2010 - 10:08 PM
You could name your son Nick 2.

Then his Dream In Code name would be Nick 2 D Max.

It rawks. & congrats man! Though I only know you through interactions on here, I'll still put my vote in the "You'll be a great father" box.


01 December 2010 - 12:44 AM
Congrats, and don't worry. There are always going to be people that hate the name you pick. It seriously doens't matter. Pick something that you and your "baby mama" like and go with it. Just be glad you aren't in my situation. I am American and my wife is German. We had to pick the names for our girls not only based on the rules listed above, but also taking into consideration which names either side of the ocean can't properly pronounce, or sound bad/obscene when mispronounced. With our youngest, we went with a name that just fucked them all up just for fun!


01 December 2010 - 07:04 AM
Congrats on the impending Baby instantiation! A name is indeed an important decision I imagine I will be equally hesitant when it's my turn to name a little one. Good luck! And congrats again!


01 December 2010 - 07:35 AM
I say Michael that's always a good name. :shuriken: Congrats by the way.


01 December 2010 - 09:02 AM
Congrats Nick!
@no2pencil: Haha!


01 December 2010 - 02:23 PM
Thank you all.

@BigR1983 -- Congratulations! Good luck with the naming conventions :)

@insertAlias -- I had similar suggestions by alas my better half has better sense than I.

@no2pencil -- I think we want our child in 3D rather than 2D. -- Though your post did (I can't describe how I got there) make me think about what an "open source baby" project might work? Actually probably not a pretty area to spend too much time thinking about. Open Source conception kind of makes shudder.

@skyhawk133 -- Man! We had just decided on Scihawk. "thats with an i"

@Jstall -- lol "impending Baby instantiation" -- I had not really put too much time into thinking about "baby/programming" wordplay.


01 December 2010 - 05:06 PM
* Congratulations,

Dylan for a guy and Iyala for a girl.

( They don't have much bullying flaws ) :gunsmilie:


02 December 2010 - 01:09 AM
Or ruby for a girl and python...:P


02 December 2010 - 10:06 AM
LOL! Gosh those are great! Especially love the comic insertAlias.


02 December 2010 - 01:17 PM
Congratulations man! :D Happy to hear it!

names ay... my try at names: Karla for girl, Cameron for boy :)


04 December 2010 - 09:30 AM
How about Terry for a boy and Terese for a girl.


04 December 2010 - 11:41 PM
:) I appreciate all of the helpful name suggestions but you all need to realized that the rules probably apply to you as well, if I use one of your suggestions then that name is of course off limits for you. So, logically I have to assume that you would never actually use these names and are thus trying to sabotage my results! I simply can't use suggestions posted on my blog -- its too dangerous. Stop trying to hack my baby naming process! :)
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