THe Humour Thread..

well, this may be only my opinion, but i feel that we all do sometimes need to laugh after a tiresome day..

so i might start this thread of some funny shit\liners just to lighten our minds..

read on, and post your opinons..

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1) Cigarettes and Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy looking all confused. Noticing him, the
sales girl offers help. So he informs that he is looking for a box of
tampons (‘you know what it is, an absorbent cloth which Hmm…..’) for his
wife. She directs him to the correct aisle.

Half an hour later he returns and deposits a huge bag of cotton and
several metres of string. To which the sales girl asks, “Sir I thought
that you were looking for tampons???” He replies, “ Yes, I was, but
yesterday when I’d asked my wife to get me a pack of cigarettes, she came
back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s much
cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she.”

2) Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day ....., 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has
to be because we have to repeat everything to men...” the husband
turned to his wife and asked, “What??”

3) Condolences

The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that
Private Jones mother died yesterday. Better go and tell him and send
him in to see me.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all his
troops.

“Listen up men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to mess hall. Rest
of you report to the motor pool. By the way, Jones, your mother died,
report to Commander.”

Later that day the commander called the Sergeant in and said,” That was
a pretty cold way of informing Jones of his mother’s death. Be more
tactful next time.”

A few months later, the Commander called the Sergeant in with, “Sarge,
I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother has died. You’d
better go and tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more
tactful.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation, “ Ok those having a
mother step two steps forward,” ”Not so fast McGrath !!”

4) Comparison

Here’s a general reality which I discovered during my life till now.

---Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to, but if you
press the wrong button, you’ll be disconnected !!!

5) Get your own Liquor

A drunk upon finishing all his money at the bar, sets out for home to
take some more, accompanied by a friend. Upon entering his bedroom and
turning on the lights, he sees his wife making love to stranger and
politely asks for money. His wife yells,” Take as much as you want, but for
heaven’s sake turn off the lights!! .” The drunk returns to the bar
and his friend asks,” What about the guy in the bed??” The drunken man
replies,” He can buy his own drink.”

7) Height of Being Optimistic

It is when a man falling from a 100 storey building, has fallen 75
floors and says,” At least I’m still alive.”

8) Height of Friendship

It is when your friend runs away with your wife and you still miss your
friend.
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This post has been edited by Xenon: 26 October 2005 - 08:10 AM