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Dark_Nexus, on 7 Feb, 2006 - 05:39 PM, said:

I can only hope that you don't take this as some form of punishment, and that no form of blame is placed on anyone.

I'm so glad the doctors told my wife over and over that she did absolutely everything right. It's true. We have stacks of pregnancy books, and she was doing everything she could to have a good pregnancy -- from regular checkups to a great diet to special prenatal yoga classes. Everything. And the tests show that everything was going perfectly until two days before the birth. Then something happened, and the oxygen got cut off. They don't know why or how, because the placenta removed all chemical evidence of the problem, and they think the placenta may have even resuscitated the baby (brought it back to life) -- but by then the damage was done. He was moving and kicking on Saturday afternoon, then Sunday morning when we woke up we couldn't wake him up -- couldn't get him to move no matter what we tried. That's when it started. We'll know more from the doctor's tests next week, but there's really noone to blame. James just had other plans. But I don't even blame him or blame God -- because I know James has a destiny, and as parents our job is to cooperate with that. And we did. And we are. Even though it's so very hard because it's not what we wanted for ourselves. But we're parents now and always will be, and that means loving our child no matter what. Even though he's not with us anymore.

[pioSko]

There's so much love in your heart thanks to him that i don't think you could say that he's not with you anymore. He'll be with you for ever

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Thanks, pio -- you're right. The love is always there. I just miss all the hopes and dreams we had for him sometimes. But the important thing is to keep loving -- and to touch to the people who are here with me now, like my beautiful wife and parents and sister, who all came together to share this experience. None of us will be the same, and that's not such a bad thing.