[BenignDesign]

NeoTifa, on 02 June 2016 - 02:14 PM, said:

Also, it doesn't help you looking for side strange if you're telling me you're going out looking for side strange, my love.

Don't worry your pretty little head about it, sweetcheeks, you just keep right on sewing those... whatever it is you're making. Big daddy always comes home to his lil' momma.

[modi123_1]

depricated, on 02 June 2016 - 01:21 PM, said:

All I can say to that then is: don't fucking lie. "I'm not interested" sure as fuck sounds better than the implications of "when I'm ready to settle down."[...]

Letting them down gently is a lie?

Seems like a survival skill to preempt any crazy responses from damaged pride or ego.

[BenignDesign]

depricated, on 02 June 2016 - 02:21 PM, said:

BenignDesign, on 02 June 2016 - 01:48 PM, said:

... and she's trying to let you down gently.

All I can say to that then is: don't fucking lie. "I'm not interested" sure as fuck sounds better than the implications of "when I'm ready to settle down."

Because a lot of men get weirdly irate when you tell them you're not interested... some resort to threats, others to physical violence... generally, they fly into a rage about how they're "not good enough"... blah, blah, blah. Have you ever read the text conversations on Bye, Felicia? That is not an exaggeration... that is exactly what it is like trying to be upfront about turning someone down. The odds of making it out the door without bloodshed or bruising are much better with "I'm not ready to settle down."

[jon.kiparsky]

BenignDesign, on 02 June 2016 - 01:28 PM, said:

Because a lot of men get weirdly irate when you tell them you're not interested... some resort to threats, others to physical violence... generally, they fly into a rage about how they're "not good enough"... blah, blah, blah.

This. We live in a world where it's often unsafe for a woman to say "I don't want to date/marry/sleep with you". Men should not blame women for this. Instead, they should be feminists.

[ArtificialSoldier]

Quote

That's not entirely a bad idea. You could do them via email. "Hey, guys, here's what I'm working on, in case you're interested!"

Just send out a company-wide email with a link to this thread.

[modi123_1]

@art - would this also include some sort of message about how if you do not forward the email to at least seven more people Bill Gates will not give you $245 dollars and you will never find love for five years?

[NeoTifa]

Oh that would go over like a fart in a church.

I second B9's sentiment. Lying is def easier. I call it "nice guy syndrome" because they're like "why? So you can date xxx but not me? I'd treat you better! He'll treat you like crap! I'm a nice guy, give me a chance. Fine, you ugly bitch, you're fat and ugly anyways. You lost on the only guy who would sleep with your lard ass. Don't you f***ing ignore me *grabs*".

[ArtificialSoldier]

Quote

Have you ever read the text conversations on Bye, Felicia?

Thanks, I spent 15 minutes looking through search results before figuring out you meant "Bye Felipe".

[depricated]

jon.kiparsky, on 02 June 2016 - 02:37 PM, said:

BenignDesign, on 02 June 2016 - 01:28 PM, said:

Because a lot of men get weirdly irate when you tell them you're not interested... some resort to threats, others to physical violence... generally, they fly into a rage about how they're "not good enough"... blah, blah, blah.

This. We live in a world where it's often unsafe for a woman to say "I don't want to date/marry/sleep with you". Men should not blame women for this. Instead, they should be feminists.

A lie is a lie.

If you choose to lie, that's on you. I'm not going to accept being lied to just because someone fears how I might react. I take people at their word.

And that's cool. Like, all I'm saying is - if you lie to me about your opinions and emotions, don't be surprised when I treat it like you're being honest. That whole "when" part is, of course, the lie. If there is no when, don't say there's a when.

Sure, people can be douchebags when they're rejected. You feel dishonesty is the best way to defend yourself from that. That's probably true. But it still stands that you can't fault someone for believing your lie and treating it like truth.

[modi123_1]

Wait.. so what.. you were going to mill around for an undefined amount of years waiting for this rock show chick to stop being married and then to marry you?

I am lost on the lie she told you.. was it about being available or something else.

[depricated]

modi123_1, on 02 June 2016 - 03:48 PM, said:

Wait.. so what.. you were going to mill around for an undefined amount of years waiting for this rock show chick to stop being married and then to marry you?

I am lost on the lie she told you.. was it about being available or something else.

No, the discussion wasn't about a specific event. The rock show chick is already written off in my head.

To recap:

depricated, on 02 June 2016 - 01:16 PM, said:

BetaWar, on 02 June 2016 - 01:16 PM, said:

Huh, dep; that reminds me of my 2nd-to-most recent attempt at getting a girlfriend. She told me that she didn't want to date me until she "was ready to settle down". Great. So, I'm a good guy and all, but not interesting enough to date for fun; only marriage material...

I'd have pushed that one. Like, if the reason to not get with you is because it would mean settling down, that implies she sees more than just a casual romance.

So yeah, too good to date for fun.

Because if you know me you know I analyze every damn word in a statement.

To which:

BenignDesign, on 02 June 2016 - 01:48 PM, said:

More likely, it implies that she sees no romance and she's trying to let you down gently. She either doesn't want to settle down anytime soon... or doesn't want to settle down with you specifically.

And I respond

depricated, on 02 June 2016 - 02:21 PM, said:

All I can say to that then is: don't fucking lie. "I'm not interested" sure as fuck sounds better than the implications of "when I'm ready to settle down."

To which the mass response that it's an acceptable lie.

And sure, I'm actually on board with that. It's totally legit and I wouldn't hold the lie against someone. But I'm going to analyze the meaning of everything someone says, whether they're being honest or not. So you can't blame me for your choice of words that I work to understand.

This post has been edited by depricated: 02 June 2016 - 01:02 PM
Reason for edit:: missed a quote block

[jon.kiparsky]

depricated, on 02 June 2016 - 02:36 PM, said:

I'm not going to accept being lied to just because someone fears how I might react.

I'm pretty sure you're not one of those guys, but I have to point out that if I heard a random guy saying "I'm not going to accept X", I would be putting a non-zero probability on some sort of violent reaction. Particularly if they were talking about "accepting" some behavior from a woman, because, let's face it, the average American man is a huge risk factor for the average American woman.

Again: don't blame women for trying to prevent violence against women. Blame men for committing it.

[modi123_1]

So it's all a hypothetical.. okay.

Then what's the end game. You over analyze, review, rehash, and rework the wording of the gentle let down to what end? You would hold your breath for an undermined amount of time for this hypothetical lady to be available because that's what she said, or do you realize the gentle let down for what it is and move on>?

[BetaWar]

As dep said, if they feel the need to lie so be it. Doesn't really change my mind any.

As far as rejections go, in my mind one is the same as a next. If someone rejects me, I write them off and move on. No point in even trying again as I see it.

My favorite rejection of all time was, after our 5th-ish date, I asked if she would like to be my girlfriend, to which she responded "I am not going to respond to that". About a month later she had a boyfriend (not me, obviously), to which I give her credit; she has been with him (I think) for 3 years now.

[modi123_1]

I'm always a fan of "I found someone younger, but if that doesn't work out I'll let you know". Heh.

Check out the show 'Catfish'. If you want to see how poorly anyone can take rejection just watch a few spins of that show. Everyone is terrible.


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@b9 - fyi.. I wouldn't mind summer camp updates after they happen!