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#1 O'Niel   User is offline

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(Native) English Speakers requested!

Posted 28 July 2019 - 09:21 PM

Hi guys!

For an assignment for the class 'English' I had to find an article and write the author of that article an e-mail. We had to ask him/her a question about his/her article.
I've chosen this article:

Now I've written this email to send:
Subject: Will the iPhone 11 be a total flop?

Dear Ms. Vanessa

I am Firstname Lastname, student Applied Computer Science at the Karel de Grote University.
Yesterday I read your article about the iPhone 11 rumors, and while I enjoyed reading it, I kept asking myself the same question.

Donít you think as well that the iPhone 11 coming out this year will be a total flop? The new features arenít really spectacular and the - subjectively - ugly square camera design may even discourage people to buy it.

My guess is that because of these reasons most people will wait until next year to buy a new iPhone. Especially considering that the rumors about the iPhone coming out next year, in 2020, are very promising.

I am very curious about your opinion on this matter.

Your sincerely,
Firstname Lastname

I'd like to have some feedback on this mail and the style of writing. Is it fluent to read, and is it good English? Do you have any suggestions to improve it?

Thanks a lot!

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Replies To: (Native) English Speakers requested!

#2 modi123_1   User is online

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Re: (Native) English Speakers requested!

Posted 29 July 2019 - 07:06 AM

I can read it, but it could be better.

Line 6 should include why you are writing, or drop out the part about the university. It doesn't help get to the point without a 'why'.

The first sentence of line 9 should be with line 7.

Line 9's list of two reasons seem lack luster to have a phone be considered a 'flop'. Perhaps talk about the specs and how much they will or will not be big enough of a jump to a new phone.
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