[ayman_mastermind]

lol nice!

[P4L]

Gabehabe....this one is for you


You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need
to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your
stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

[KYA]

OliveOyl3471, on 27 Jan, 2009 - 07:44 AM, said:

haha. That reminded me of this old one:

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, floating on the ocean?

A. Bob.

//I wish I could remember the rest of them.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on a wall?

Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of your door?

Matt

[Locke]

KYA, on 27 Jan, 2009 - 04:05 PM, said:

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on a wall?

Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of your door?

Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and in a hole? -- Phil

What do you call a guy flying through the air? -- Chuck

What do you call a guy flying through the air, then hits and kills somebody? -- Chuck Norris

This post has been edited by Locke: 27 January 2009 - 03:16 PM

[OliveOyl3471]

Yes, KYA, those were the ones I was thinking of. How did you read my mind?

[Locke]

OliveOyl3471, on 27 Jan, 2009 - 10:55 PM, said:

How did you read my mind?

You didn't know he could do that?

[BigAnt]

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

[Bort]

That's brilliant

[narmer93]

Here is a funny picture, i hope so, it is about great work of very clever engineers
here is it
↓

and here are some jokes and i hope that they are funny
►once a silly fish..... sank...and her so stupid other fish wanted to save her so she got her out of the water.
►a man loves running but running doesn't like him.
►a man had 50 cents and he though,should i take a bus or drink juice and go home on foot?,he thought and calculated probabilities of what will happen.
he said if i took a bus,i may be standing or sitting,if i stood up,no problem,if i sat down,one of 2 a man or a woman,man=no problem,woman→he may talk to her or not.if he did,she may answer or not.if she didn't answer,no problem if she answered,they may become friends or not.if they didn't →no problem.if they did,they may meet again or not,if they didn't→no problem.if they did,they may love each other or not.if they didn't→no problem,if they did→they may marry or not.if they didn't →no problem,if they did,they may have children or not,if they had ,one of 2 a boy or a girl,a girl=no problem. a boy,he may be good one or bad one,if a good one→no problem,if a bad one,he may be a smoke or take drugs,if smoking only→no problem if drugs,he may stop it or not,if he did→no problem if he didn't. he may steal his father or not.if he didn't →no problem if his son did,he may know about it or not.if he didn't,→no problem if he did ,they may fight or not.if they did. he may kill him or not.if he didn't.→no problem if he did........oh my god, juice is much better than that
►a group of idiots in a submarine sank,why??? a fish knocked the door.
►how do you know the mad worker??????? he cleans the lift in all floors.
►an idiot deleted his appointment with the doctor.why??? because he is ill.
►an idiot wanted to forge 10$ so he got 100$ and removed the last zero..
►why does the idiot take the medicine before its time?>> to surprise the germs.
►why does the idiot spoil tea on his shirt? to make it tea-shirt(T-shirt)
►What is the difference between apple and bananas? you can't make orange juice from any of them what ever you did.
i guess that this is enough for now

This post has been edited by narmer93: 28 January 2009 - 08:29 PM

[no2pencil]

Locke, on 27 Jan, 2009 - 04:15 PM, said:

KYA, on 27 Jan, 2009 - 04:05 PM, said:

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs hanging on a wall?

Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of your door?

Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and in a hole? -- Phil

What do you call a guy flying through the air? -- Chuck

What do you call a guy flying through the air, then hits and kills somebody? -- Chuck Norris

Man w/ no arms no legs lying on the beach : Sandy

Keeping w/ the limbless theme :

On a bright summer morning a man is jogging on the beach along the ocean, when suddenly he hears a woman sobbing. So he stops & looks around, & he sees the woman w/ no arms or legs lying face up on a beach towel sobbing away. So he walks up to her & asks why she's crying. She replies "Look at me, I'm hideous! It's terrible, I've never even been kissed before!". Hearing this the man is beside himself, & descides to help cheer her up with a peck on the lips.

Jogging again the following morning he again hears the woman sobbing. Stopping again, he asks "Why are you still sad?". To this she replies "Look at me, I'm hideous! It's terrible, I've never been felt up before!". So again, beside himself, the man decides to help her out as best he can, & once she's satisfied he leaves back to jogging.

For a 3rd day in a row, while jogging, he again comes across this woman sobbing. Like before he stops to ask her why she is so upset. "I'm hideous! It's terrible, I've never been screwed before!". Hearing this the man picks her up & chucks her into the ocean. Your screwed now!

[ayman_mastermind]

@narmer93, lol nice pic! that's in Egypt right? what a great engineer...

[narmer93]

well i don't really know where is the pic from i just found it on face book.
and with comment ► look at the genius Egyptian engineers.. but i don't know if it is really from egypt or not
and you like the pic and didn't read the jokes i think. i took a long time to read them and translate them

[Bort]

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when
he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a
little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You
sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man
starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look,
you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of
brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You
sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the
little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong
man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same
little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard Under his nose, shouting, "You
sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts This time Nelson
loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt
front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?
You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and
says:
>
>
>
>
>
>(It's a beauty)
>(Get your best Chinese accent ready)
>
>
>
>
>"You not Nissan Main Dealer"?

[ayman_mastermind]

lol

[Bort]

Some random facts:

> *If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
> produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. **
> (Hardly seems worth it.) **
>
> If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
> is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. **
> (Now that's more like it!) **
> **
> **
> **
> The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
> body to squirt blood 30 feet. **
> (O.M.G !)** **
>
> A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.** **
> (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)** **
> **
> A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it
> starves to death. (Creepy.) **
> (I'm still not over the pig.)**
> **
> Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour**
> (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) **
>
> The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
> attached to its body.. The female initiates sex by ripping the
> male's head off. **
> (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!) **
> **
> The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
> jumping the length of a football field.
> (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) *
>
> *
> The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. **
> (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) **
> **
> **
> **Some lions mate over 50 times a day. **
> (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over
> quantity) **
>
> **
> Butterflies taste with their feet** **
> (Something I always wanted to know.) **
> **
> The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.**(Hmmmmmm......) **
> **
> **
> Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
> left-handed people.** **
> (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)** *
> *
> Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.** **
> (Okay, so that would be a good thing)** *
>
> *A cat's urine glows under a black light.** **
> (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) **
> **
> **
> **
> An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. **
> (** **I know some people like that.)** **
> **
> Starfish have no brains **
> (I know some people like that too) **
> **
> **
> Polar bears are left-handed. **
> (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) **
> **
> **
> **
> Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
> pleasure.** **
> (What about that pig??) *



And another joke:

Recently, a large hospital hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole hospital's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No." After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something ..."