[Reverand Dave]

Sweet

[Bort]

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with
her for £500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he
did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a
cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the
whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a
cheque for £250 and enclose the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for £250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending
the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the
impression that:

1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for £250
with the following note:

'Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely.

As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
Landlady.

[NeoTifa]

that one was pretty good

that one was pretty good

[Noldona]

Ok, all this emo talk has reminded me of a joke.

What happens you when you put 5 emos in the same room?
One slits their wrist because they don't have a corner to go cry in.

[Bort]

Another Blonde moment

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'

And the blonde entered Heaven...

[NeoTifa]

..... i dont get it....

as for emo jokes......

i wished my grass was emo so it would cut itself

[gabehabe]

Here's an emo joke:
NeoTifa.

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

[Bort]

To be honest Neo, nor do I entirely. I'm assuming it has something to do with the song Waltzing Matilda, and posted it on here in the hope that someone would understand it.

As for your emo joke, it made me giggle

[Dilerious]

gabehabe, on 30 Oct, 2008 - 04:01 PM, said:

Here's an emo joke:
NeoTifa.

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

That one's on google ipage
Made me laugh too ;D

[NeoTifa]

twas hillarious

[Locke]

gabehabe, on 30 Oct, 2008 - 08:01 AM, said:

Here's an emo joke:
NeoTifa.

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

I don't get it...

Maybe it's because it's 1AM and I've been doing calculus homework for the past 4 hours.

[gabehabe]

OK NeoTif... Locke37?!

It's their 50th anniversary, so they're old. She's wrinkly. She's naked. He thinks she's wearing the new nightwear, but she isn't. "They could have at least ironed it."

That took the joy out of it.

[Locke]

Oh...that makes more sense. I misread it.

[Kingbradley6]

Some jokes about stereotypical actuaries...
_____

An actuary and a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1,248 sheep out there." The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?" The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four."

_____

Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary's shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.

This post has been edited by Kingbradley6: 02 November 2008 - 07:03 AM