DIC's All My Programmers - Caffeine Lounge

Since the last episode of DIC's All My Programmers...

1) Batters up! Absynthe breaks out the glove and heads out to the stadium for America's past time... no, not porn. Good old baseball! Some DICers are trying to fetch the Graphics object from the scoreboard so they can draw on it... "Where do you call paint on this thing?"... others like Nykc are taking the opportunity to exert his yankees on unsuspecting victims. Nothing like a healthy steroid shake with your hot dog. Eh A-rod?

2) The storms on DIC are relentless, but good news everyone, it isn't storm Capty this time! No, it is Conficker.c heading this way! The DICers batten down the hatches in preparation for April 1st. Some board up their Windows XP, others will just wait it out using Linux, and brds will sit out on the side of the road with two beers and a lawn chair. KYA recommends taking two pills of anti-crap and so hopefully you won't develop an ulcer.

3) Steffan wants to know "What is for breakfast or dinner?" the raunchy programmers weigh in with their usual nonsense from broodwiches, to spicy eggs, to supersloth's blood of the innocent. Mmmm! Those hung over from the "tubez" party are saying "Anything but frosting from one of Psycho's cakes". One programmer is in the back chanting "Java monster, java monster java monster" while supersloth is thinking he found his dinner ticket.

4) The neighborhood gets together to participate in Earth Hour tomorrow and even though the DIC peeps of raunchy programmers lane wouldn't think of ever turning off their computers, some work on minimizing their foot print on the grid. absynthe puts down the hair dryer, supersloth will use a regular steak knife and not the automated carving knife when devouring the innocent and skyhawk will go to bed at 6pm instead of 7pm. It will be hard, but a little less raunchiness for the world's sake.

More to come after a word from our sponsors....

Commercial:

A small little bug is seen walking along some pavement of a crosswalk. A narrator then begins to speak in the classic movie announcer voice "Some bugs have been around since the time of the dinosaurs. Some are said to have survived a nuclear fallout...." Suddenly a giant shoe comes down and SMOOSH! The camera pans up to see an animated boy with nerdy glasses, braces and stick thin. "...but can they survive computerfox?!?!"

computerfox: I got one! Finally, I fixed a bug!!!

From the animators who brought you "Bolt" and from the producers of "Shrek" and "Finding Nemo" comes a new animated adventure unlike anything you have ever seen! A boy and his talking bug "BigAnt" are on an epic adventure to find computerfox a girl.... and it is not proving easy...

computerfox: So miss, if I said that given your diameter and circumference you would certainly turn out to be a delicious piece of PI, would that turn you on? *SLAP* woman walks away.

BigAnt: She probably thought you were calling her fat given that PI never ends.

computerfox: Ummm yeah, that was probably it.

As their journey takes them through the fantastic, yet sometimes creepy, world of programmers lane, they will soon discover that being themselves is just not working out...

Hot woman: Excuse me, would you mind handing me that book over there?

BigAnt: Oh man, here is your chance! Don't you blow it this time!

*computerfox hands her a book*

Hot woman: Kama Sutra? What are you a perv?

computerfox: Perv? I am not familiar with the term but if that is like white hat hacking, I will have to say yes because I do hack a lot with my DIC. I figure if you can't play with DIC then what else is there to play with? *SLAP* woman walks away.

BigAnt: Oh brother!

With the fantastic voice over cast of Ben Stiller as computerfox and Richard Kind as the voice of BigAnt this movie is sure to wow audiences young and old alike...

computerfox: Ant, if I told you that I feel as lonely as an abstract singleton class with only one data member called life, and that variable was initialized to false, would you think less of me?

BigAnt: Lets put it this way, if I was a compiler, I would get a message that read something like "ERROR x000WTF: Epic Fail!"

This movie is rated PG-13 for a strongly typed language and some scenes of brief, but hilarious, nudity. Parent discretion is advised! Now Playing!

On the next episode of DIC's All My Programmers...

1) NeoTifa attends the latest show of American Idol. When Adam Lambert gets on stage she screams "I love you my little emo!" She is then mesmerized by his singing. Gabe comes to the rescue thinking she said "Elmo" and then realizes he is trapped in the middle of teenie bopper hell. What will he do about all the screaming fans? Will he be trampled? Will he code himself a guard condition with enough boolean logic to protect him? Can he even be protected? Should he just kill himself and hope that Ryan Seacrest will have a funeral to remember him?

2) absynthe sits in the stands of her favorite past time sport when a fly ball heads her way. Seeing a 8 year old kid going for it, she pulls his shirt over his head real quick and steals the ball. "Oh yay, that is how us programmers do it, if you can't win, you cheat!" Little did she know that the kid was Braves outfielder Chipper Jones' son and she was caught on the jumbo tron. Uh ohhhh.... what does she do? Does she run and get the hell out of Georgia? Or does she give the kid the ball and hope all is forgiven?

3) Conficker.C strikes the neighborhood and brds is swept up in the chaos. He is found seriously injured, still in his lawn chair, a few networks away with his hard drive totally botched and his IP screaming 0.0.0.0 at him. Hopefully he is alright. KYA takes the opportunity to sell antivirus software to the computerless masses at heavily inflated prices.

4) April fools arrives on the board and Gabehabe fills Capty's pool with Jenna Jamison detergent turning it into one giant bubble bath with bubbles going everywhere. Proudly thinking he outdid himself this time, he soon learns that Capty loves it! He even threw in a few of his "blow up ladies" and is swimming around in the mountain of bubbles. Capty has bubbles on his head in the shape of a mohawk while he chats on his cell inviting other DICers to come join him. He even likes how he smells porn star fresh! But will the bubbles, and blow up babes, bring bad juju? Will blow up doll Susie approve of Capty's little pool party with the other blow up girls?

Stay Tuned!

This post has been edited by Martyr2: 27 March 2009 - 11:51 PM