[absynthe]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is required

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using f riends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Love my dogs

I Love the sign to new pet owners!! haha Too funny!

This post has been edited by absynthe: 21 December 2008 - 03:15 PM

[gabehabe]

WTF happened to my reply? Anyway, here it is again:

Quote

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

My dog wiped his bum on my plate once. It was a Sunday roast, and I'd just sat down with it on my lap. I was gutted.


EDIT:
WTF is that picture? It's horrible~!

[danny_kay1710]

absynthe, on 21 Dec, 2008 - 01:54 PM, said:

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

If only I could get my two dogs to understand that. I don't know how many times one dog has nearly made me dive over the other and hence down the stairs head first. They seem to like jumping up to try and push me down the stairs every single time, or just sitting in the way so I can't go anywhere .....

[KYA]

I second gabe's sentiment. WTF is that? It looks like a naked mole rat.

Is that supposed to be a human??!?!?!!

This post has been edited by KYA: 21 December 2008 - 03:39 PM

[danny_kay1710]

I dont know what it is supposed to be... I was attempting to blank out the picture.

It is disturbing on so many levels...

[5thWall]

It's an art piece from years back. It came with a little blurb about the species and something about it's family structure. I seem to remember it coming from somewhere in west Europe. I wish I remembered the name so I could look up more information. It's not that disturbing.

[ApocalypzOrigin]

WOOOW. Did not expect to see that scrolling down. Big switch from the memories of the fluffy little cats we use to have that came to mind when I was reading the post.

Agreed though, (most) pets are much better then kids.... specialy since you can more easily get them after they're born instead of having to start from scratch.

[absynthe]

haha!! you know..really the only images that bother me on any level is the ones with critters in someone...ugh!!! Parasites on any scale KILL me...

This is one of my worst fears...the ole maggot in the eyeball!!!

* edited cause baav has a light stomach and i think he's cool as shit *


*shit i nearly barfed looking at that again!!*

This post has been edited by absynthe: 21 December 2008 - 06:52 PM

[KYA]

Dammit absynthe. Eye stuff grosses me the fuck out. I've had a couple eye surgeries. They are not fun.

[baavgai]

Please, no shock site fodder. It doesn't amuse. At all.

There are places you can go if that stuff does it for you. Hopefully not here.

[absynthe]

You're not the only one.....that's the fucking nastiest thing I've ever seen I think!! The big question is how would someone NOT KNOW that a 19mm Maggot is in their fucking eye?

baavgai, on 21 Dec, 2008 - 07:49 PM, said:

Please, no shock site fodder. It doesn't amuse. At all.

There are places you can go if that stuff does it for you. Hopefully not here.

Sorry Baav!