A Child's Garden Of Grass

Funny ass book excerpts

  • (3 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

31 Replies - 5564 Views - Last Post: 18 December 2008 - 06:33 PM

#1 Cookie Mobster   User is offline

  • nooneenooneenooonee
  • member icon

Reputation: 8
  • View blog
  • Posts: 4,735
  • Joined: 12-October 01

A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 04:08 PM

My roomate just picked up a book from the used bookstore downtown called "a child's garden of grass."
It was written in 1969 and it is all about marijuana. It contains some of the most bizzare quotes ever.

Getting grass

Quote

Reciving grass as a gift is proberbly one of the nicest ways of aquiring it. Here are a number of methods that have stood the test of time.

1) Be a beautiful girl with large breasts.

Roachs

Quote

When you smoke a joint down to about the last helf inch you stumble upon a curious little thing called a roach, although sometimes it is called a cragzop.*

*Accually it's never called a cragzop, but that sentence needed a little more rhythm- but why not call it a cragzop? If you do poeple will say "Hey you must've read that book," and you'll say, "What book?" and a whole conversationship will start which may develop into a meaninful relationship which will end in one of you getting hurt emotionally.

Getting stoned Anally

Quote

Two methods still in the experimental stage are enemas and suppositories. We asked an anal compulsive friend of ours to aid us in our research, but he just looked confused and started emptying ash trays.

Cleaning grass

Quote

The small pieces will fall through the holes in the strainer and into the urn, and the strms and seeds will stay in the strainer, unless you bought a strainer with holes that are too large. If you did, don't worry, nobody's perfect. Not even Sammy Davis Jr.

People who haven't smoked grass

Quote

Adolf Hitler
your Mother
My mother
Regis Philbin
Shirley Temple
Ronald Reagan

Places to avoid hiding grass

Quote

A small jar inside a large jar of mayonase.
You will get mayonase on your hands and in your hair and everything

Quote

Throwing it up really hight in the air.
Excellent, for very short periods of time.

Friendship

Quote

If you have a friend how uses grass, and this friend knows you don't, and he has never offered to turn you on, look for a new friend. This one doesn't really like you

Every page has the most retarded stoned quotes on it...
I could go on and on for hours, it is about the funniest book I have read today.

Is This A Good Question/Topic? 0
  • +

Replies To: A Child's Garden Of Grass

#2 illustrain   User is offline

  • Voltron's Daddy
  • member icon

Reputation: 8
  • View blog
  • Posts: 1,597
  • Joined: 27-April 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 04:13 PM

Those are great.... who wrote it? I want to pick that up somewhere. The "getting stoned anally" one is the best.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#3 hitokirisn   User is offline

  • flip ya. flip ya for real.
  • member icon

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 982
  • Joined: 17-June 02

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 04:15 PM

Quote

Reciving grass as a gift is proberbly one of the nicest ways of aquiring it. Here are a number of methods that have stood the test of time.

1) Be a beautiful girl with large breasts.




I do that all the time






*hides*
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#4 Cookie Mobster   User is offline

  • nooneenooneenooonee
  • member icon

Reputation: 8
  • View blog
  • Posts: 4,735
  • Joined: 12-October 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 04:19 PM

Authors: Jack. S. Margolis & Richard Clorfene
ISBN: 0-345-30496-9

(I used to work in a library)
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#5 JainDough   User is offline

  • XpiratecoreX

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 2,142
  • Joined: 20-November 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 04:24 PM

Cookie Mobster, on Nov 29 2003, 06:08 PM, said:

Places to avoid hiding grass

Quote

Throwing it up really hight in the air.
Excellent, for very short periods of time.

this made me wet myself.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#6 skyhawk133   User is offline

  • Head DIC Head
  • member icon

Reputation: 1964
  • View blog
  • Posts: 20,421
  • Joined: 17-March 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 05:02 PM

Nothing better than jain... wet


slippery



shiny




wet
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#7 supersloth   User is offline

  • serial frotteur - RUDEST MEMBER ON D.I.C.
  • member icon


Reputation: 4678
  • View blog
  • Posts: 28,500
  • Joined: 21-March 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 05:30 PM

Your a fuckin retard.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#8 jaredigital   User is offline

  • 42. That's my final answer.
  • member icon

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 4,090
  • Joined: 22-April 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 05:32 PM

skyhawk133, on Nov 29 2003, 07:02 PM, said:

Nothing better than jain... wet


slippery



shiny




wet

*BANG* you're dead
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#9 hitokirisn   User is offline

  • flip ya. flip ya for real.
  • member icon

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 982
  • Joined: 17-June 02

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 05:43 PM

NOOO! how could you fail me amazon.com?! (interro-BANG)
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#10 supersloth   User is offline

  • serial frotteur - RUDEST MEMBER ON D.I.C.
  • member icon


Reputation: 4678
  • View blog
  • Posts: 28,500
  • Joined: 21-March 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 05:51 PM

hitokirisn, on Nov 29 2003, 05:43 PM, said:

NOOO! how could you fail me amazon.com?! (interro-BANG)

Posted Image
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#11 hitokirisn   User is offline

  • flip ya. flip ya for real.
  • member icon

Reputation: 1
  • View blog
  • Posts: 982
  • Joined: 17-June 02

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 29 November 2003 - 08:30 PM

supersloth, on Nov 29 2003, 08:51 PM, said:

hitokirisn, on Nov 29 2003, 05:43 PM, said:

NOOO! how could you fail me amazon.com?! (interro-BANG)

Posted Image

nice, yoink-age
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#12 BPMead007   User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 0
  • View blog
  • Posts: 2
  • Joined: 13-August 06

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 13 August 2006 - 03:11 PM

Hey man, I have the LP that was based on this book, I'll trade you an mp3 of it for the book scanned.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#13 eLliDKraM   User is offline

  • Pep Le Pewn
  • member icon

Reputation: 7
  • View blog
  • Posts: 6,565
  • Joined: 13-August 05

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 13 August 2006 - 04:14 PM

reading post dates is the biggest helper when talking to people
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#14 Cookie Mobster   User is offline

  • nooneenooneenooonee
  • member icon

Reputation: 8
  • View blog
  • Posts: 4,735
  • Joined: 12-October 01

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 19 August 2006 - 04:32 AM

View PostBPMead007, on 13 Aug, 2006 - 03:11 PM, said:

Hey man, I have the LP that was based on this book, I'll trade you an mp3 of it for the book scanned.

Why don't you just make a written transcript, something to keep you busy for a while.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

#15 BPMead007   User is offline

  • New D.I.C Head

Reputation: 0
  • View blog
  • Posts: 2
  • Joined: 13-August 06

Re: A Child's Garden Of Grass

Posted 01 October 2006 - 03:53 PM

View PostCookie Mobster, on 19 Aug, 2006 - 04:32 AM, said:

View PostBPMead007, on 13 Aug, 2006 - 03:11 PM, said:

Hey man, I have the LP that was based on this book, I'll trade you an mp3 of it for the book scanned.

Why don't you just make a written transcript, something to keep you busy for a while.

You mean a transcript of the LP? The LP and book are quite different.
Was This Post Helpful? 0
  • +
  • -

  • (3 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3